Date advice

[saadhamza]

Now, i realize that most of the users on this forum are massive nerds and have no idea what dating is, but i also know of some of the older community that's a bit more mature. I haven't really been raised with a huge american background, even though i've lived my life in the US. I don't have TV, besides things like PBS, and my parents have only taught me about their cultural relationship system… "pre-arranged".

So, at this point, i have no idea what people actually do on a date. Do you go do something fun, like bowling or something? The whole "dinner" idea seems kind of boring. Also, what do you talk about with a date, to keep it from getting awkward?

[Robin]

What gender are they?

[saadhamza]

Oh, she's a girl. Though, advice for a male would be great as well, if only for future reference. ^^

[guzmanm]

'Kay, I'll share some of my experience with you.
Oh wait, I've none.
Oh wait… Never mind.
Oh wait, I have.
First off, when you date someone, the purpose of it is getting to meet that someone.

> So, at this point, i have no idea what people actually do on a date. Do you go do something fun, like bowling or something?

People who have dinners with someone as a date are usually adults. Most teenagers go to the movies or (insert activity here) when having a date.

I, myself, prefer the movies instead of anything else. I usually go to the movies with my crush, a dependable friend and my crush's friend. I sit next to crush, crush's friends next to her, and my friend next to crush's friend. Always have a good time, always enjoyed that stuff.

> Also, what do you talk about with a date, to keep it from getting awkward?

That usually comes naturally. Never had a problem with that.

[Marsh]

Dont over think it. Just go to a movie, play pool etc. Talk about what you normally talk about with her. I am assuming you have talked to her before if you have a date.

[Lenton]

Date advice? Looks like my expertise are needed.
Here's everything I know on how to make a date successful:

Hope this helps.

[Joyce]

I'd throw her on the ta- wait.. no that's just my imagination.

Anyhow, just be yourself as always really. And don't think about unnecessary things too much, nothing is more annoying than a sweaty guy that's freaking the hell out over nothing.

[Robin]

Eating out when you're a teenager is just awkward. Neither of you are old and boring enough to pull that off.

Get drunk.

[guzmanm]

@Joyce:

> Just be yourself as always really.

That's the worst advice you've ever given. If he does that, he will be the next generation's forever alone meme.

>! Just kidding.

[saadhamza]

@Marsh:

> Dont over think it. Just go to a movie, play pool etc. Talk about what you normally talk about with her. I am assuming you have talked to her before if you have a date.

Lol, yeah, we talk at school, mostly about weed and stuff. I'm probably going over to her house. i'm not saying that i'm going to do any, but if i do smoke some with her, would that make things easier? I've never been high, so it should be fun. Also, if any of you have any advice specifically for when your at the other's house, that could possibly be helpful as well :P

> That usually comes naturally. Never had a problem with that.

Oh ok, that makes me feel a bit better

@Robin:

> Eating out when you're a teenager is just awkward. Neither of you are old and boring enough to pull that off.
> Get drunk.

Is getting high close enough? :3

> I'd throw her on the ta- wait.. no that's just my imagination.

Heh, i'm saving that for the second date ;]

[DrNova]

I've never been on  "proper" date really. If by date you mean planning something.  Generally I just hang out with em, if we do something, we do something. Drinking is commanplace though.  Date's are a bit "oldschool" imo. No reason to have to plan something really. Have some cash on hand, and just see what happens

[Godlord]

@Robin:

> Get drunk.

This.

Yours faithfully,
  Stephan.

[azkanan]

I've had plenty of failed dating experiences, and I've learned why. I was concentrating too much on making the date a film-stereotype date.

Protip: Don't look at it as if it's a date. Don't treat her like "The girl I am on a date with."

1\. Ask her out on a date.
Once you've done this, when you go on this date with her, she knows you're interested in her. That's all you need to do at first for her to know you're interested in her. Don't barrage her with flirts, because then you're too easy. If you're too easy, she'll fall for someone else.

2\. When you're on the date, **be yourself**.
Don't act like a macho man. Don't tell her how you once fought off two guys in an alleyway trying to take your sweetroll. Don't do stupid shit you wouldn't do otherwise. Just make her laugh, make her smile give her a good time and have a good time.
If you're not having a good time and are relaxed, neither will she be.

Heck, she will likely be more nervous than you. It's **your** job to make sure she's relaxed, by **being** relaxed.

Relax, relax, have fun.

3\. Lead the conversation.
This is probably the hardest part, but open questions are your boss here.

Bad Example
So do you like TV?
Answer: Yes/No.

Good Example
So what do you watch on TV?
Answer: I like to watch X, Y but don't really like Z.
Your response: Oh, no way, I like Y.

From there, you can lead on out to tell anecdotes and ask her opinions on that show.

Now the downside to this is if you don't have anything in common. In which case, you two shouldn't be on a date. A date is a testing site for compatability, so find out what you two have in common on the first date, so you can walk away from it and think further on what you can talk about on the second date.

OF COURSE, you could just bluff it, that you like a show you've never heard of that she likes,  but that can be dangerous.

OH, and, don't lie. If she likes a show you don't, don't be afraid to get into a debate about the pros and cons about it. This can lead to some easy cheap-shot jokes. Just don't get opinionated on the subject, and start arguing.

Go out for a movie. Go to the park. Go to the swimming baths. Bowling Alley. Something/anything fun.

I can't give much advice past the first date because the girl who I had extreme success with fell madly in love with me after the first date (I really should have ended it there…).

But yeah. Relax, have fun, make her smile, spoil her.

* * *

**woman logic 101**

She says: I want a nice guy who will treat me right and love me for who I am.

She means: I don't want a geek. I don't want a guy who is supernice and takes shit with a "Sorry". I don't want a guy who never argues with me. I want a guy who stands up for himself and his morals. I want him to actually listen to me. I want him to be great in bed. I want him to be handsome.

[Robin]

@Azkanan:

> Find her address, do a Google Maps street view and e-mail her a screenshot of you looking through her living room window.

Then get her drunk.

[Anna Comnena]

Take her to see The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

Just kidding, you both are probably too young anyway.

Marsh and Azkanan both have good advice (well Azkanan with the conversation tip mainly). And yeah your instincts about a dinner being boring are correct; as Robin pointed out for dinner dates to work require age and maturity to have the experience to drive the conversations and recover from awkwardness. With fun activity-based dates, social awkwardness if it occurs can be more easily deflected and forgotten.

As far as weed goes, if she seems receptive about it it's something to consider. But since you've never done it yourself, it's a bit of a wild card at the moment so it might be better ignore it in the time being. If she has given hints about wanting to try it you might think about it; ask around with people you can trust about getting some and a way to smoke it. But again since you haven't tried it, you probably shouldn't try to introduce it.

If you're going to her house that's good; it allows her to be at a comfortable place. If you visit her room you have a potential treasure trove of information at your disposal. If the room is a little messy it shows she considers the visit fairly casually and so there isn't that much pressure; if it's spotlessly clean then she is wanting to make some special appearance for this. (Of course this is not a 100% accurate; some people are just OCD with cleanliness, and other people might look messy and disorganized but have their own method of order they are comforable with.)

If you've already been there then it isn't that big of an issue, but if it is the first time it's important. Look around and try to take in details about her. Let her volunteer any information, don't say much, just look around. If her attention is on you and/or what you're looking at, that means she is open to talking about herself or her room. Ask her about things that seem important (to her, or even to yourself). If the conversation thread dies down or her attention goes to another activity, like if she has a computer, game system, or television, then that's a cue to consider what to go do for the date or whatever.

But the biggest thing is to not go into this with preconceptions, either. I just wrote two paragraphs about a particular situation that might not even be an issue. Basically just keep most of your attention on her. Not that girls are all attention whores, but any personal relationship, whether its romantic, sexual, or friendly and purely platonic, comes from knowing and recognizing the other person's physical, emotional, and intellectual state.

[azkanan]

Hah, Anna, you just reminded me of my recently-ex's bedroom…

I loved that fucking place.

Pun intended.

[Kinjiru]

No one's said it yet? I thought you were less mature than this eclipse.
Stick it in her pooper.

[azkanan]

@Kinjiru:

> No one's said it yet? I thought you were less mature than this eclipse.
> Stick it in her pooper.

Zonova is a decent guy, so we decided not to dick him.

[renzo]

Buy a house in the wilderness, rope and chloroform.  The rest should be pretty straightforward.

[azkanan]

@renzo:

> Buy a house in the wilderness, rope and chloroform.  The rest should be pretty straightforward.

Buy a house?

Dig a hole in a field and call it a "Hide out" where the kids can go play.

Seen that film? I haven't seen it in ages, what's it called again? The one with teh Paedophile.

[saadhamza]

Thanks for the conversation tips, i appreciate it ^^

> As far as weed goes, if she seems receptive about it it's something to consider. But since you've never done it yourself, it's a bit of a wild card at the moment so it might be better ignore it in the time being. If she has given hints about wanting to try it you might think about it; ask around with people you can trust about getting some and a way to smoke it. But again since you haven't tried it, you probably shouldn't try to introduce it.

Oh, i probably should have said this, but she's a pro at smoking weed xD Like, she's been doing it for a while now. She's actually the one that's trying to get Me to do it. I'm a bit nervous since it'd be my first time, but it sounds fun :) Does this change anything though? The fact that she's probably going to be leading the whole weed thing.

> If you're going to her house that's good; it allows her to be at a comfortable place. If you visit her room you have a potential treasure trove of information at your disposal. If the room is a little messy it shows she considers the visit fairly casually and so there isn't that much pressure; if it's spotlessly clean then she is wanting to make some special appearance for this.

Is going to her room a pretty common thing? In my mind, "going to her room" means having sex, which isn't exactly what i'm looking for :P

> No one's said it yet? I thought you were less mature than this eclipse.
> Stick it in her pooper.

For the record, i'm not planning on having sex or even making out with this chick. I'm not really the type of person to get physical like that, and i hate the fact that dating has become an excuse for having sex.

[azkanan]

You didn't quote me once ;-;.

Feminist. |[

[saadhamza]

I didn't?
God damn it, i didn't! XD And i even remember typing out the message with it in there…. huh, that's weird. Let me just repeat that then :P

So, going off of your point about talking about tv. Well, first lets just close the conversation in a bit on this particular time, in which i'm going to her house. What exactly is the Norm for what you do? I'm assuming it's generally just sitting, talking, and watching tv? And in this case, taking a few hits?

Also, she's pretty shy, at least from what i can tell. Would you know anything about getting her to open up more easily? No, i'm not talking about her legs, i'm talking about her mind :3

[Anna Comnena]

@Zonova:

> Oh, i probably should have said this, but she's a pro at smoking weed xD Like, she's been doing it for a while now. She's actually the one that's trying to get Me to do it. I'm a bit nervous since it'd be my first time, but it sounds fun :) Does this change anything though? The fact that she's probably going to be leading the whole weed thing.

Oh, well then no problems there. If you want to try it you might as well if she wants to, it's a nice socialable activity. Just don't overthink it so much, its best if you're comfortable while high, especially early on before you know how it affects you.

> Is going to her room a pretty common thing? In my mind, "going to her room" means having sex, which isn't exactly what i'm looking for :P

It might be, or it might not be. Her own room gives her and you privacy if she wants to talk about stuff. Bedrooms are personal space, and if you want to develop a personal relationship means being comfortable and opening up in that sort of way. Don't think an invitation to her room means an invitation for sex. But privacy is usually liked if you want to talk or other things. You can hang around in a friend's bedroom just fine… and it's not like you want to smoke pot in public areas of the house where parents always are; having incense and stuff in your bedroom and things can help mask it if parents need to go in.

> For the record, i'm not planning on having sex or even making out with this chick. I'm not really the type of person to get physical like that, and i hate the fact that dating has become an excuse for having sex.

Dating is not an excuse for having sex, it's a method to establish if a sustainable relationship with someone is possible. What if she might want to fool around? Do you find her unattractive? I understand if you're not directly looking for a sexual relationship, if it presents itself in some capacity I don't think you should neccessarily refuse it either. There is a huge difference between kissing and fooling around, and "I missed my period!"

[saadhamza]

> Dating is not an excuse for having sex, it's a method to establish if a sustainable relationship with someone is possible. What if she might want to fool around? Do you find her unattractive? I understand if you're not directly looking for a sexual relationship, if it presents itself in some capacity I don't think you should neccessarily refuse it either. There is a huge difference between kissing and fooling around, and "I missed my period!"

Oh, i didn't mean to make it sound like that "dating was created to have sex". But that's how most teens use it now is to get laid without all of the responsibilities of being married and whatever. She's actually pretty good looking, but attractiveness isn't really one of the main things i'm looking for. If she wanted to fool around then… i don't really know. I'd probably just go along with it. However, i'm a bit iffy on this kind of thing. Sex is definitely something i'd rather save for someone i'm married to. It makes it feel more special, i suppose. But more, it's about the fact that if i can't like a girl without thinking of her sexually, then where will our relationship be in like 20 years, once being "hot" rarely applies? I've "loved" a lot of girls before simply because they were good looking and because i'm a hormonal teen, and i don't want it to be like that.