Help peeps? :/

[kris_hole]

we really should have an advice section on here….

can anyone suggest ways to get my lady friend to accept the fact i exist again?

we're still an item, she just ignores me completely, we had an argument at the weekend which she's jsut taken completely overboard. i've taken flowers round.... tried phoning, talked to her friends to see if theres anything else wrong but nada...

nothings fucking working...

suggestions? :/

and please dont post bullshit replies...

[lollicat]

Just let her get out her steam. Make sure she knows that you're still there, but don't follow her around with a bucket of flowers all the time.

[kris_hole]

it was just a bouquet of flowers :P i'd already gave her 3 days to herself :/

[azkanan]

Sounds like your heading for a break up and she's too afraid to say it.

That or you're interpreting it wrongly.

What you don't want to do is seem desperate by doing what you're doing. Don't give her flowers, don't write a song about her. Just try and make her remember why she loves you. Your sense of humour will work well here, making her laugh and such.

My ex-gf had Bipolar and we had these "Gone OTT arguements" every couple of days, but I let her blow her top and then she apologised later, where I said she didn't need to apologize… As for why she's an ex, that would be my fault when I was going through a rough time, but that's another story. (:

[kris_hole]

cheers azk, now just how to do that without coming across as seeming desperate…

[Marsh]

I would back off a bit, if she doesnt want to talk to you at all i wouldnt smother her and be extremely desperate. If she ignores your phonecalls and wont let you apologize or whatever then just wait it out.

[Dark Crusade]

It's a bit hard to give you help when we don't know about the context of the argument. What you've done so far, wasn't necessarily bad, so I have to disagree with Azkanan about how you should not have given her flowers. I assume you've done so to show your sorry about whatever the argument is about, and that obviously, you still love her. Depending on the severity of the argument, it definitely is best to give her appropriate amount of days to think about it, and let off some steam.

Relationships unfortunately are complicated, and a two way street. You won't always know how she feels, nor what's going inside her head. And chances are, generally they won't tell you everything they feel, for a variety of reasons. If it is a severe case, and she doesn't think she is happy; this behaviour is pretty common if she is considering whether she still wants to be with you. If she doesn't seem to be enthusiastic any-more, at all, about spending time with you, and its been over a consistent period of time then perhaps be worried, but in the end stressing and becoming desperate won't help.

Be subtle at first, give her time, and subtle reasons to remind her of what you two have together, and why she'd want to be with you. Be there for her, always, and make sure you know that, but at the same time make sure there's a good balance of giving her time to herself. You don't want to appear too clingy. If it's been a good week or two, with no change, then perhaps send her some sort of message, (notice first, don't rock up at her place), and say that you guys definitely need to talk. This will be an opportunity for her to tell you how she feels, and give her time to decide what to do. Hopefully then you guys will get to work out whatever issues you have. When you do tell her you need to talk, don't smother her with boyfriend shit, it's just going to make it harder if she does have some serious issues she isn't telling you about, such as not being sure if she wants to be with you any-more.

However, if she still ignores you, tells you to go away, then after a length of time (at least two or three weeks), send her some sort of message she will definitely receive, saying you are sorry, but also fed up with trying, so your going to leave it to her. This will not only give her all her own time, but also hint that if it keeps up the relationship will die, so she has to make an effort to see you, and talk about it. Although she may be hurt from whatever this argument is, ignoring you isn't going to fix anything.

Now, I may be mistaken about the extremity of the case, so if you post more details; I'll reply with something hopefully more accurate. Whatever happens, hope things work out with you guys.

[azure]

Ignore her. That's all. If she likes you at all it'll drive her mad for you to ignore her.

[silentdemonic]

I would say dont wait it out, as bad as this might seem - I got my current girlfriend while she was on a BREAK with her current man. I happened to meet up with her the morning before the evening they were due to meet. We hit it off so well that it developed into something more and 2 years down the line we still together. I posted here a few weeks back about her and I can say she actually cut down on her habit so hell its gotta be love - ontopic now.

If a girl is ignoring your phone calls and not noticing you are there think about why you might do that? Most cases it is because she is generally pissed off with you. You say she over reacted but did you let that expression come to surface. Nothing is worse for a girl is if she thinks she is over reacting and blowing things out of proportion cos its personal to them and you should show empathy.

Example : My girl and her current drug habit compared to my loss of mother I could never say she is being silly by having drugs consume her and think that 2 days with no weed is no biggy compared to me losing my mum and vice versa because each persons pain is individual to them.

So the first step I would suggest is the Step of sincerity - cut the flowers junk - flowers dont speak. stop the phone calls junk, phones have no faces, WORSE of all do not consult with her friends, doing that is like saying "hey I dont know you enough so Ima dig up dirt on your from your friends" worse of all you are spreading your personal business out without her consent. Itd be like her talking about your manhood if it had a wart on it with your friends so that she could get advice on how to treat it. SURE the intent of goodwill is there but do you want your friends to know about ya lil friend?

What you need to do is take a firm stance, head to her house, knock on her door and apologise to her first of all for thinking her outburst was over the top and that you were not thinking of her when you took such a stance it was rude of you. Tell her and look deep in her eyes you love her and that you really want to listen to her and that you wasnt aware how you had pissed her off and you were a fool to do so - that you got so used to her being happy/chilled/insert compimentry word here that the outburst threw you off guard and wasnt prepared for it (this is a suttle mind injection to let her see she was out of character without actually digging at her).
At this point with her being there and you having come so far to see her she will respond with either :

1) Talk
2) Shut door on your face (at which point assume its over)
3) Look back at you silent and at this point realise she just stood there and listened to you - thats progress, only you know your girl enough to take it from there.

Overview : (shame on you if you skipped to here)
Go to her. Do not use a Middleman be it Phone, E-Mail, Fax, Her Friends. Take the one thing that she has loved and may possibly love again - yourself. She can reject your calls, flowers and so forth. But it isnt until she rejects you that you are going to know how she truly feels and if she doesnt then she will be willing to talk as she wont want to lose you. But do not let it come across as an ultimatum - she must feel like its her choice whether to love you or not. I could post some manipulation tactics about how to direct the mind but its not really morally right. xD good luck

[silentdemonic]

@Azure:

> Ignore her. That's all. If she likes you at all it'll drive her mad for you to ignore her.

My Girlfriends **Ex** did that to her - I must remember to thank him :) lol

[kender the great]

Give her a bit of a break, don't shove bullshit down her throat. She'll come around, girls are weird like that. When she does don't kiss her ass, just act like nothing is up. She'll eat it up. Or at least this works every time for me.

[Robin]

@SoiWilliamSoi:

> don't shove bullshit down her throat.

**That's** where I went wrong.

[azure]

I suppose I should clarify. I didn't mean "blatantly" ignore her. I mean do so in a way that she knows why you're doing it.

[azkanan]

If you give her flowers when she's upset, she thinks its the best you can come up with and very cheap. You're supposed to give flowers to catch her by suprise, as a suprise, as a reminder of how much you love her. So, somehow, giving her flowers as an apology is a very bad idea.

[azure]

Azkanan, that's pretty sound logic to me.

[azkanan]

It makes sense in past experience. Doesn't seem to word out too right, though :P.

[Adulese Games]

@Robin:

> @SoiWilliamSoi:
>
> > don't shove bullshit down her throat.
>
> **That's** where I went wrong.

I luled. Also, listen to Beau. That is basically my advice as well and Lorenzo can testify on how good it is. ;D

- Adulese

[kris_hole]

thanks guys.

The argument we had…

In the past i've been known to talk in my sleep or sleep walk. i used to suffer from insomnia and well yeh.... thats mostly gone now, just every now and then it hits, and doctors thought the sleepwalking/insomnia we're linked. i disagreed but meh. back on point. Last weekend when it all happened, i was sleeping at her place, downstairs with one of our friends (he'd had shit at home so he stayed over with me. her (Jennie, my girlfreind*) and her mum were fine with it.

I remember seeing Trev fall asleep on the other couch and i ended up drifting off whilst using the laptop, i think this was around half 1 in the morning. Red dwarf had just finished on demand :P anyway, i fell asleep on teh recliner whilst using the laptop. next thing i know i'm in jennies bed hugging up to her, i check my phone, its jsut gone half 6 in the morning, i go downstairs get a drink, go piss, get back in with her. (we normally share the bed, just with trev been there i kept him company.) anyway, about half 9 she woke up, and i woke up from her moving about... she completely ignores me, so i wonder what the fuck i had done wrong... i shone it to one side and just get on with it.

now prior to all this, about 4 days before a friend of mine had said they'd seen her acting rather close with this other guy. So naturally you want to hear it from them that it isnt true. so i take the opportunity whilst she's getting clothes out of her wardrobe to ask about it. She kicks of claiming how i had no trust in her and i'm a complete prick. I was like "wtf? i jsut wanted to hear it from you!." to which she continued to say "oh and what about last night then?" at this point i was confused as fuck...

she then informed me of how i had gone up at about 3am, tried to wake her up, 'violently' (is how she worded it) shook her and accused her of allsorts... we argued a little after that, she didn't believe me that i had no recollection of this, although it did make sense how i woke up next to her. i went into the garden and phone one of our friends (louise, earlier mentioned in original topic, i'd known her since we were 8) as louise was good friends to both of us, i'd told louise what jennie had said to me and explained the entire lot. Louise just said try talk to her etc let me know how it goes. The generic sorta shit...

So jennie comes out the shower, i'm downstairs, apparently at this point she phoned louise to talk, louise relayed what i had said to jennie. i went up when they had done on the phone to each other and jennie said "Oh so you lied to me then!" i was confused yet again... she said that apparently i had told Louise everything so that means i must remember what happened early hours of the morning. i tried explaining i was just saying what she herself(jennie) told me when we both woke up. she was having none of it and the argument escalated. Since we've tried explaining I've talked in my sleep in the past and slept walked in the past on some bizarre occasions and things happening too. but she just didn't believe any of it.

so here we are... she thinks i've lied out of my arse, thinks i have no trust in her and thinks i'm convicned she's going to cheat on me...

sorry for any bad spelling... i'm rather tired...

*Misspelled word to avoid the girlfriend chat filter thing...

[silentdemonic]

Dude I just broke up with my girlfriend because I happen to say I trust a friend Ive known for 9 years over her who has known me 2 years and cheated twice in response to her telling me that my friend could be scamming me because I put money in his account so I could use his card details to buy something online as my bank card is still in the post. Its ok for her to accuse my friend of theft yet I cant retaliate and tell her he is more trustworthy than her and of course I trust her still T_T but she took it to mean I dont trust her. Man Girls are nothing but hassle - Im seriously considering the gay pathway. Other than poop on ya polearm I dont see the downside >_>. Logic is a turn on after all. lol
In response to this new information ? Flip it on her - "You tell me that I dont trust you - yet you have no faith whatsoever in the truth Im telling you, if thats the case you know what to do" she says "and whats that then" you say "well a relationship is built on trust and I trust you enough to ask you to your face and express my feelings and believe what you say but you cant do the same for me, you decide what you want to happen and call me when you do". Leave.

Mind you this is the advice of a now single man. lol

[Dark Crusade]

Aw man, sorry to hear silentdemonic. =(

[IceCream Tuesday]

Omg.. so many TLDR's here.. Anyway.. I wanna say for the most part i agree with everyone.. as well as Disagree with them. Yes.. don't be all up in her grill. but DO acknowledge something is upsetting her. Like what I DID read of beau's post.. we don't know the context of the argument, therefore we can't exactly say.. oh she's completely right.. you are an idiot.

You should let her be. but like.. at night.. send her a text saying, Good night. or sleep well hun. Something to let her know you still care. but your not up her ass about it.

@Robin:

> @SoiWilliamSoi:
>
> > don't shove bullshit down her throat.
>
> **That's** where I went wrong.

Literal?

[azure]

Yeah, that's the route I'd go. The more you push it the worse you're making it, from the sound of it, it is getting worse.

[kris_hole]

it's quite long so you may wanna put the kettle on…

but here...

>! @[THE-KRIS:
>! > link=topic=61579.msg651618#msg651618 date=1276998364]
> thanks guys.
>
> The argument we had…
>
> In the past I've been known to talk in my sleep or sleep walk. I used to suffer from insomnia and well yeh.... thats mostly gone now, just every now and then it hits, and doctors thought the sleepwalking/insomnia we're linked. I disagreed but meh. back on point. Last weekend when it all happened, I was sleeping at her place, downstairs with one of our friends (he'd had shit at home so he stayed over with me. her (Jennie, my girlfreind*) and her mum were fine with it.
>
> I remember seeing Trev fall asleep on the other couch and I ended up drifting off whilst using the laptop, I think this was around half 1 in the morning. Red dwarf had just finished on demand :P anyway, I fell asleep on teh recliner whilst using the laptop. next thing I know I'm in jennies bed hugging up to her, I check my phone, its jsut gone half 6 in the morning, I go downstairs get a drink, go piss, get back in with her. (we normally share the bed, just with trev been there I kept him company.) anyway, about half 9 she woke up, and I woke up from her moving about... she completely ignores me, so I wonder what the duck I had done wrong... I shone it to one side and just get on with it.
>
> now prior to all this, about 4 days before a friend of mine had said they'd seen her acting rather close with this other guy. So naturally you want to hear it from them that it isnt true. so I take the opportunity whilst she's getting clothes out of her wardrobe to ask about it. She kicks of claiming how I had no trust in her and I'm a complete prick. I was like "wtf? I jsut wanted to hear it from you!." to which she continued to say "oh and what about last night then?" at this point I was confused as duck...
>
> she then informed me of how I had gone up at about 3am, tried to wake her up, 'violently' (is how she worded it) shook her and accused her of allsorts... we argued a little after that, she didn't believe me that I had no recollection of this, although it did make sense how I woke up next to her. I went into the garden and phone one of our friends (louise, earlier mentioned in original topic, I'd known her since we were 8) as louise was good friends to both of us, I'd told louise what jennie had said to me and explained the entire lot. Louise just said try talk to her etc let me know how it goes. The generic sorta shit...
>
> So jennie comes out the shower, I'm downstairs, apparently at this point she phoned louise to talk, louise relayed what I had said to jennie. I went up when they had done on the phone to each other and jennie said "Oh so you lied to me then!" I was confused yet again... she said that apparently I had told Louise everything so that means I must remember what happened early hours of the morning. I tried explaining I was just saying what she herself(jennie) told me when we both woke up. she was having none of it and the argument escalated. Since we've tried explaining I've talked in my sleep in the past and slept walked in the past on some bizarre occasions and things happening too. but she just didn't believe any of it.
>
> so here we are... she thinks I've lied out of my arse, thinks I have no trust in her and thinks I'm convicned she's going to cheat on me...
>
> sorry for any bad spelling... I'm rather tired...
>
> *Misspelled word to avoid the Blowup Doll chat filter thing...

[Kusy]

bullshit reply…
...now you weren't expecting that were you?

[kris_hole]

thanks kusy… :P

but seriously... any ideas?

she's going away on Friday and I'd like to see her before then... she's just being unapproachable though :/