A Very Eclipse Christmas! (Eclipse fan none-fiction)

[Medleyy]

This is a little fan none-fiction (EVERY WORD IS TRUE) to spread some Christmas cheer through the freezing month of August. Spot people (And Easter Eggs!) throughout!

**An Eclipse Carol**

**Chapter I**

>! “I’ll not have these damn kids in my forum!” Muttered the cranky old man, Robin. “Port-forwarding and servers being down. Bah, humbug.”
>! “But Sir!” Renzo Cratchit exclaimed “It’s Christmas!”
>! Robin fixed his stone cold eyes on him, then let out a sigh.
>! “It’s quite clearly the middle of August, Renzo. Dear god.”
>! It was a bright shining day, but Robin was unhappy and stony as he staggered home through the snow (In August, hell yeah!) down Elysium Street. As his outstretched hand grasped for the door knocker, something strange happened. It took the form of Xaden and began to scream. This unholy visage led the old man Robin to scream and jump, alerting two newbies nearby to his presence. They immediately pounced on him with questions of “Eh, but Eclips is like RPG maker and Rbin is hacks.” and “Says server down and its really anoyin dis hole program is rediculus.”
>! As Robin, the frail, ancient old man struggled to  free himself from the vindictive creatures, the beautiful young Anna Comnena walked by, and hurried her pace because she was afraid of old man Robin. In fact, very few people weren’t afraid of him. He had once thrown a flaming bag of dog crap into the window of the Cratchet’s house, hitting the kind Yami Cratchit on the shoulder and putting her in a terrible mood.
>! Now, this tale took place in the Victorian era, and as everyone knows there were computers and  memory sticks in Victorian times, though they were steam powered and made of brass. Robin had just fought off the evil newb-creatures with cries of “No.”, though he did not realise that they had run off with his memory stick, containing the very latest version of The Great and Miraculous Crystalton Game Engine (By appointment to her Royal Majesty, Queen Gwen of Narcissitissy). He searched his many pockets, but all he could find was a love letter from Marsh, a half empty tub of Vaseline and a rubber jonny.
>! He approached the door-knocker once again, though this time more warily, and pushed the door open. The appearance of Xaden was terrifying, and it plagued his mind.  What could it mean? Was there a bug in The Great and Miraculous Crystalton Game Engine? Would it cause uncontrollable chaos 1.3? As he contemplated the horror behind the appearance he started to drift off to sleep, only to be awoken suddenly by a horrible sight.
>! The ghostly glowing figure of Xaden wrapped in Ethernet cables hovered before him as he stumbled back out of his spinning computer chair with an unnecessary degree of difficulty.
>! “Robiiiin… You will be visited tonight by three ghooostss!!” it shrieked.
>! “No.”, Robin steadfastly replied.
>! “Oh, for God’s sake, Robin. Get in the ghostly mood. I spent tonnes of money trying to look ~~sexy~~ scary for you.” The apparition wailed.
>! “Then next time read the rules before posting.” Robin said.
>! The faint figure looked Konfuzed and disappeared from view.  Robin sat in his chair and dozed off again, only to be re-awoken by the clock striking twelve.

[Medleyy]

**Chapter II**

>! A strange figure appeared near the foot of Robin's bed. The figure appeared to be holding a key and a sign round his neck saying 'Global Moderator'.
>! "I am Soul, the ghost of Christmas past…" it whispered.
>! "Why the hell does everyone think it's Christmas?! It's bloody August!" Robin retorted
>! "Because this is a terrible story written by an appalling writer who is slowly running out of productivity, that's why." stated Soul.
>! "Well, is there any point in you coming here..?" Robin enquired.
>! "To be honest I don't know why I'm here either. Chris turned up and asked me to visit your cave."
>! And with a pooft the apparition was gone.
>! Robin stayed awake to welcome the next ghost, which appeared in the form of a gigantic inflatable bear thing bounced towards him with some vigour. It was named Admiral Refuge. Without delay Robin pulled out his Moderator ban hammer and popped it where it stood.
>! Exactly an hour later the third apparition arrived, creeped up behind Robin and held a chloroform cloth infront of Robin's face, dragging him through time and space and landing at some place that's apparently important to him.
>! As the shapes came into focus, the form of... Admiral Refuge.
>! "Why are you in this again..?" Probed Robin.
>! "We're already running out of characters. Thats why you've not gone on a single journey yet. That and the fact that the writer is PISS LAZY."
>! "I can vouch for that." Robin said. "What is there to see?"
>! "If you don't commend your ways, Robin, look what will happen to Touchofdeath."
>! As Robin looked sideways at a computer he noticed the date, 25/12/2015\. He looked at touchofdeathforums.com and saw to his horror... Last post: 09/08/2011\. He probed further, as he witnessed everyone's signitures. My Little Pony was EVERYWHERE. But the worst was yet to come. The reason for the destruction would become clear.
>! renzo
Universal Idiot
>! Site Owner
>! It was at this point that Robin would have crapped his pants, if only he wore them.
>! He turned slowly to look at the now-deflated Admiral Refuge in horror. As he was whisked back to Robin-Land he swore never to insult a single newb again.
>! It was the morning of the tenth, and Robin flew out of the bat cave and found a dwarf-like Newb creature.
>! "Newb! Do you know that turkey hanging in the window of the butcher's?" Robin asked
"The one that's the same size as Stephan's package?"
"Yeah"
"How do you expect me to carry a ten foot long turkey home?!" queried the Newb
"I don't. I expect you to shove it up your arse."
>! As you can see, Robin was a changed man. Later that day he came to Renzo Cratchit's house to have August Dinner together. They dined on the best Doritos and drank the finest Red Bull. Robin greeted all of Renzo Cratchit's family. Yami Cratchit, his ~~unwilling victim~~ loving wife, and Tiny Lightning, who has only one leg due to an accident involving Renzo and a firework.
>! Robin bless us. Everyone.

[renzo]

If this were a TRUE **none**-fiction this topic wouldn't exist at all! :P

Edit: just read the story, I'm the equivalent of Bob Cratchet? and Satan? :O

[Medleyy]

Bob Cratchit, Satan and a tiny little pinch of Peter Griffin :D

[Robin]

@Aeri:

> the beautiful young Anna Comnena walked by, and hurried her pace because she was afraid of old man Robin.

Entire story breaks apart there. The only people afraid of me are those who break the rules and get punished for it.

[Medleyy]

You'd be suprised, Robin, what your ~~supressed masses~~ loyal subjects think about this ~~terrible dictatorship~~ wondrous community. Even those who remain unslapped by your ban hammer.

[Kemerd]

Nice story. I love how you cross out things. Shows some humor.

[shadowdeath]

What is this…?
WHAT IS THIS!!!!!

[Kemerd]

It's truth. Also if you want to zoom in on it….

Earth > Europe > Robin's House > Robin's Computer > Hardrive > Hosting > Internet Cable > Internet Box > Cable Box > Internet > Hosting > Forums > Off-topic > Post

[Medleyy]

It's what genuinely happened when Robin released CS:DE. Robin lied about being annoyed at graphics/source code thieves because Robin doesn't have feelings, he's quite obviously some kind of robot (Don't tell him I found out).

[shadowdeath]

I see. Now write one where there's an eclipse baseball game. Lol

[Medleyy]

Maybe there'll be a series of these as I find out what Robin is really like. You know, like Journalism. You can all get to know the real Victorian android Robin.

[The New World]

I don't get mentioned? Bastard.

[Gwen]

yeah you do Yami…

"He had once thrown a flaming bag of dog crap into the window of the Cratchet’s house, hitting the kind Yami Cratchit on the shoulder and putting her in a terrible mood."

Im queen of Narcissitissy but im not sure what im doing! XD

[The New World]

What the shit Gwen? I'm not Yami. xD

[Gwen]

LOL im soooooo sorry rose….

LONG day, and i totaly ditzed out XD

[The New World]

You now owe me Subway.

[Medleyy]

Having dug further through Robin's ~~dustbins~~ history, I can tell you that Robin attended two High Schools, Hogwarts and Pigfarts Intergalactic School of Wizardering. Expect this to be the next journalism masterpiece.

[renzo]

@Aeri:

> Having dug further through Robin's ~~dustbins~~ history, I can tell you that Robin attended two High Schools, Hogwarts and Pigfarts Intergalactic School of Wizardering. Expect this to be the next journalism masterpiece.

What, am I going to be Ron Weasley and Voldemort in this one?

[Medleyy]

You were going to be Phallus Dumbledore, but you can be a fat ginger instead, or a bald deformed guy with no nose rather than a wrinkled old ninja who singly handedly owns Voldemort if you'd like.

[saadhamza]

He's married to Yami? Well shit, Yami is either a dude, or Robin is no longer gay :3

Nya, that was excellent. Even better then my Eclipse Jingle ;]

[renzo]

@Aeri:

> You were going to be Phallus Dumbledore, but you can be a fat ginger instead, or a bald deformed guy with no nose rather than a wrinkled old ninja who singly handedly owns Voldemort if you'd like.

lol, don't make much difference to me, just thought it was funny how I was both the lovable poor guy and the one to destroy the world. :P

[Medleyy]

I think if you destroy the World you must do it with style and fireworks, much like how you removed Tiny Tim's leg.

[Medleyy]

@Flying:

> He's married to Yami? Well shit, Yami is either a dude, or Robin is no longer gay :3
>
> Nya, that was excellent. Even better then my Eclipse Jingle ;]

So Robin's an android. A gay android. :D

[The New World]

I swear to god if I see one more double post today… =_="