Relationships

[silentdemonic]

So - Little backstory on this but Ill keep it short and sweet:

You date a girl who at first seems to be matched and ideal personality wise you both get on and share enough with each other for it to be happy times. However the years go on and you begin to notice that your personality types have split and gone into opposite directions, while you are a calm, reluctant to argue person, she has turned into a short tempered, weed dependant person.
Now the dilema is in you love this person but not IN love with their current self. You can not tell if its you that has changed or them or both and you feel like your love for them has not vanished but rather being stored elsewhere unknown.

My girlfriend at first was a pretty Dark person this was what enabled us to get on so well and share interests the parent of our relationship if you will, now she has brightened up and acts angelic whilst harboring cruel intent and a weed dependancy (im not talking your few spliffs a day thing here :-\).

One part of me being 24 tells me to get the heck out of this, no longer in love forget it, the other part says stay things will work out.

I begin to then question how I ended up with her, what was the thing that attracted her to me and if it was now absent was that the cause for her change towards me.

So puzzled, frustrated and so forth I post in the shoutbox and the rest is history lol.

Has anyone else here been in a relationship which without them noticing their other half has just stop giving you that feeling you used to feel with them and you being resenting the relationship but at the same time dont want to leave it as things may get better?

[Tompwnage]

Alright, dude. Look just tell her how you feel. If she says no she won't change she doesn't love you at all and gives you a perfect reason to end it. If she really loved you she'd change her ways if not that shows she doesn't love you.

There are plenty of fish in the sea.

[silentdemonic]

True, but its quite annoying because now I see her weed dependancy (she lost her job so hasnt been able to buy it lately) its dawning on me the girl I was in love with was one functioning on Weed. This is her true self and its one I clash with. So for her to change back would be for her to smoke weed. Im fairly grown up I would imagine and dealt with my share of issues but this one has me stumped. Is it a relationship if its one functioning on a fairly relatively cheap drug? I mean she ll get a job again and be able to buy it and be the girl I was in love with but then - thats fake isnt it? Guess you right - if I have to question it this much - it cant be healthy.

[Tompwnage]

Look if she won't change for you then she loves the drug more than she loves you. Its literally the bare truth. Ask her and see what she says. If she says no then you know the choice you have to make. I am not kidding.

Regardless of addiction or not if she really loves you she'd leave the drug. If not she loves the drug more than you and would pick a drug over you any day.

Its the truth.

[Skaterboy991]

…im in that situation right now. and you described it perfectly in the first post.. woah.

[silentdemonic]

Thanks Tompwnage - its that decisiveness I wish I had more of heh. You've done me a great help being so clear cut - my thanks.

[Tompwnage]

@silentdemonic:

> Thanks Tompwnage - its that decisiveness I wish I had more of heh. You've done me a great help being so clear cut - my thanks.

Your very welcome. I've had my share of crazy relationships my self, haha  XD. Glad I could help out. Just keep in mind always there are plenty of fish in the sea. Once you first leave her it will feel like the world is going to end, as it is the way your going to feel every time you break up. But in reality there is always another to come. Good luck.

-Tompwnage

[zade_o]

If it's any help, even if you feel like….obliged to stay with her because you're scared to hurt her or because you feel like you've been together too long.... you can't let that get in the way. It's just gonna make stuff worse. If everythings the way you say it is, you just need to be like...

trick, change or i'm out.

[Tompwnage]

@Ghost:

> If it's any help, even if you feel like….obliged to stay with her because you're scared to hurt her or because you feel like you've been together too long.... you can't let that get in the way. It's just gonna make stuff worse. If everythings the way you say it is, you just need to be like...
>
> trick, change or I'm out.

Exactly.

[Adulese Games]

Why would you come to Eclipse to post for advice about your crazy girl? Honestly go to /adv/ or /b/ and you'll just get this:


- Adulese

[Tompwnage]

Well, not in this case.  ;)

[silentdemonic]

Well because I value the opinions of people here, end of the day you all got your experiences and I dont just think of you all as geeks and dorks with no social lives, heck you all log off at one point.

[zade_o]

ahaha, i can guarantee you i'm not one of those experts.

[Tompwnage]

@Ghost:

> ahaha, I can guarantee you I'm not one of those experts.


Lol Joking

[Helladen]

@silentdemonic:

> So - Little backstory on this but Ill keep it short and sweet:
>
> You date a girl who at first seems to be matched and ideal personality wise you both get on and share enough with each other for it to be happy times. However the years go on and you begin to notice that your personality types have split and gone into opposite directions, while you are a calm, reluctant to argue person, she has turned into a short tempered, weed dependant person.
> Now the dilema is in you love this person but not IN love with their current self. You can not tell if its you that has changed or them or both and you feel like your love for them has not vanished but rather being stored elsewhere unknown.
>
> My Blowup Doll at first was a pretty Dark person this was what enabled us to get on so well and share interests the parent of our relationship if you will, now she has brightened up and acts angelic whilst harboring cruel intent and a weed dependancy (im not talking your few spliffs a day thing here :-\).
>
> One part of me being 24 tells me to get the heck out of this, no longer in love forget it, the other part says stay things will work out.
>
> I begin to then question how I ended up with her, what was the thing that attracted her to me and if it was now absent was that the cause for her change towards me.
>
> So puzzled, frustrated and so forth I post in the shoutbox and the rest is history lol.
>
> Has anyone else here been in a relationship which without them noticing their other half has just stop giving you that feeling you used to feel with them and you being resenting the relationship but at the same time dont want to leave it as things may get better?

Try to find something you have in common with the person. I believe the joy of a relationship is learning stuff about the other person. This is why if they are very similar to you, the relationship can get boring and end in a short amount of time.

So try to do things you wouldn't normally do, to try and find some joy in doing activities together.

I'm not an expert at relationships, but I am a wacked up person and don't find joy in making friends. Hopefully this helps you though.

[Robin]

All relationships are shit. You're all fine and dandy, then one of you will just get turned off from the relationship and it'll dissolve.

To be honest, I just can't be bothered with them any more. I still go out, but no where near as much as I did when I was seeing someone. I'll occasionally get drunk & strike lucky, but I'd prefer to spend the time with mates when I'm out.

Just my 2 pence.

[Tompwnage]

@Helladen:

> Try to find something you have in common with the person. I believe the joy of a relationship is learning stuff about the other person. This is why if they are very similar to you, the relationship can get boring and end in a short amount of time.
>
> So try to do things you wouldn't normally do, to try and find some joy in doing activities together.
>
> I'm not an expert at relationships, but I am a wacked up person and don't find joy in making friends. Hopefully this helps you though.

No disrespect meant: This is about a drug problem, not a I don't know why I don't want to be together with this person thing.  :P

[silentdemonic]

Robin you know, thats actually some damn good insight. I have to think some of my happiest times where living the carefree bachelor lifestyle, programming when I want without someone nagging in my ear. As for heading out with my then mates, I seem to have lost touch with 80% of them since being with her.
Not to mention those few lucky strikes you mention gosh they were fun and the only downside? Not having a regular girl there - but I am fast realising that all these years of short term flings - I was not missing much lol.
Alas I be a bit of a coward with breakups - Ill just throw myself into work until she gets bored of me :-\ hah. 6ft+ and a pu$$y when it comes to these things.