RPG Story Part 1

[00GuthixLord]

Ok so i'm working on my RPG and i just couldn't wait to show off my Story its not done but here is part 1.

Story Part 1: Death of a Warrior

>! Long ago a great blacksmith named Luthais traveled a great distance too seek the legendary wizard Melimion. He went town to town, city to city, province to province, country to country, island to island, he traveled to every known land in the great world Catigern. One day he overheard a conversation he shouldn't have. The feared bandit Sermersian planned a raid on a small watch tower. That certain watch tower was the one he was staying the winter at. He new he had to work fast he only had a moons passing before it happened so he headed for the one place he could do the most help. The smithy, every day, every night, for 2 weeks he worked. The last day of the second week he finished what he was working on. He Called It Splendor, it was magnificent 3 yards of semeltian, sherm encrusted hilt, there in the center of the hilt a 100 percent rosmet globe. The sword it self would be priceless but he knew how he would lose it. After he made a scabbard for it he put on his best armor and went off to the village pub.
>! He told the Pub owner and in a matter of days the word spread around the village that there was to be a raid on the watch tower. The people wondered why the watchtower? The king then called the village to the square the next day. He spoke with a very soft and friendly voice,
"Hail townspeople. I should not of hid this from you. The raid on the watchtower is true. Some might wonder why. Well, no one has visited the watch tower for many years except the occasional wanderer, so many years ago I constructed a secret layer to it. That layer holds a priceless amount of magical artifacts. Don't get your hopes up on stealing any. We know the bandits army is coming it will be about another days ride to get to the watchtower. I have already set up my own army for defense. But i fear that wont be enough. The reason for fear is we hold one item that is to valuable to lose," the kings voice deepens with fear in his words, " that item is the necklace of Shenlos, the necklace gives you the ability to travel to a unknown land that is from rumor Holy. To use the necklace you must be pure, and be aided by a God. So please do not be worried we will try to win this battle but I fear this is the start of something bad."
>! At the crack of dawn the first arrow buzzed threw the air. That meant one thing to the knights, the war has started. As the bandits approached Luthais drew his mighty sword. Gleaming in the sun high above his head, then quickly came down with tremendous speed, nearly cutting in half the bandit holding the dagger inches away from his stomach. The knights and Luthais fought long and hard, but one by one they started to fall. Bandit archers were picking off the knights fast. Luthais new it was time to act. That's when he saw Sermersian on his battle horse well protected and not moving a muscle, just watching the knights get taken out by an endless amount of arrows. He started out as a jog, then sweeping the sword as fast as he could at the oncoming bandit defenses he started to run, he slowly made his way threw the bandits up the hill. He knew he was going to die soon but he also knew his last action is to kill Sermersian. He looked up he made it. There standing only 5 yards away was Sermersian. He heard bandits yelling and running. He started to run at Sermersian then Sermersian said one word. That one unmistakable word,
"Die."
Before he even finished the word he had a small crossbow pointed at Luthais head. Luthais last word was something Sermersian never expected.
"Vengeance."
With that Luthais fell with a poisoned arrow in the center of is forehead. Sermersian looked at the dead warrior for several minutes. Then one of his bandits came and started to speak,
"… is coming out of the ground what should we do?"
"What repeat that soldier." Sermersian replied
"Fog it's just coming from the ground! Our archers can't see the remaining knights. What is happening?" The bandit blurted out.
"I don't know, I don't believe it is bad. Continue on foot, now that this warrior is dead it will be easy." Sermersian said but not directly at the bandit. He was looking strait, at the fog.

[Agoraphobic]

Was a nice read, enjoyed how it was different.

[Likestodraw]

Very good, very good.

[Murdoc]

I like the imagery, well done :)

[00GuthixLord]

Wow thanks.

[PD]

Overall, that's pretty good however like with all things, there are improvements that can be made. The more you practice your writing the better it will get, so keep it up :cheesy:

[MCADAMS]

Kept me interested long enough to read it entirely. Nice job.

[JeffSventora]

I think it was an interesting read. The only things I'd have to say is that there are some spelling mistakes. Also, when you name your characters, don't be afraid to keep it simple, names like that stop in the middle of reading just so I can figure out how to properly say them. :P

[00GuthixLord]

Thanks again, and Jeff I know I should make some normal names.