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MIT Applictaion Essay Review … Help a Brother Out Guys


Adulese Games
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Hey all,
I recently (like 5 minutes ago) finished work on my essay to MIT. I really have to make sure it is almost perfectly written. So, why not turn to the great (well pretty damn good) minds here at Eclipse. Just leave your comments bellow.

TOPIC: Describe the world you come from, for example your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?

> The Surroundings of a Teen Named Joey
>
> Our Surroundings. Such an everyday and ordinary setting can change who we are as human beings in the most fundamental ways. It is these little unnoticed things that make and shape us into individuals. In this way, I am no different from the billions of other humans on this planet. My surroundings have shaped my life and personality and I am proud to state it.
>
> Family. Where would we all be without them? They are the ones who have shown us the undying love and compassion that keeps us going. I am no different in this respect. The world that I know is greatly shaped by the multiple hands of my eccentric family. My interest in statistics stem from my brother’s love of sports. My introduction into technology and the arts come from my mother taking me under her wing at a young age. My sister’s constant curiosity and humor has entertained me and opened my mind to all the possibilities and wonders of life. Combined they have taught me peruse all of my goals and ideas, no mater the risks. These are just some of the few contributions my family has made that has shaped me into the young adult I am today.
>
> Community. What on earth would life be like if we didn’t have a sense of community amongst our fellow man? Who knows if we would even be able to survive without it? In this area, I know that I have been shaped by it, but not in the conventional since. No, most of my community experiences come from online friendships and collaborations. You see, the world has been opened up to me through technology. I have contacts and friends in almost every continent on the planet and I have conversations with them regarding several topics daily. I enjoy chatting with them through the internet and sharing ideas from our different cultures. My experiences with them have opened my mind to see all the different views of the people of the world and understand the obsticals we all face as human beings.
>
> Cities. These regions of dense population are what hold our human world together. Through my somewhat short time here on Earth, I have been and lived to several great cities and loved the time spent in their walls of towering architecture. There is just so much history and unity in cities that just make me wonder at our race. Because of my up-bringing in these major population centers, I have grown to be incredibly independent. When you live in a big city like Orlando or Boston, you have to be aware of you surroundings and the services you have the ability to use to accomplish your goals. I greatly enjoy planning my days out using the cities resources to fit my needs. Likewise, the huge amount of information available to me in these cities has shaped me into the fast learner that I am today. You see, you have to be fast at memorizing and understanding things in a large city because with all the hustle and bustle, you need to know what you need to right way and be able to remember it down the road.
>
> Our Surroundings. They have shaped the human race into what it is today. They have turned us from primitive man into a race without limits. Likewise, my surroundings have shaped me into the individual I am today. Family, community, cities … all of these have molded my personality and dreams to face the challenges of life. And now, here I am before your door step, ready to learn and expand as a human being. I am willing to let MIT be the next surrounding finalize my shaping into a person of intellect, reason, humor. My world has shaped me, now it is time for me to help return the favor.

- Adulese
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@dg1423:

> You know what they say, "If you wanna get into MIT, send them a video of you solving a Rubik's cube with your mouth, blindfolded, tied to a chair, underwater."

LMAO.

I would just build a robot to do that for me with a Rubik's cube in his mouth, blindfolded, tied to a chair, underwater. Even if it takes years, if not decades, to build one.

Regards,
  Godlord.
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Just my opinions, but those bastards at MIT wont accept my degree….  I'll show em..

Anyways, its a good GENERAL essay.  But my personal opinion is its to general. To much time spent to talking about how everyone is the same, not enough emphasis on you.

You do manage to lightly describe your surroundings and how they affected you, but very mildly, in my opinion.

I personally think it should be rewritten with a higher emphasis on you, and your surroundings, and how they affected you, and much less about how "everyone is the same in these matters".

Wow them, dont make it seem like anyone could have gotten into MIT with the right enviroment.

just my two cents
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