Dark Crusade Posted March 13, 2010 Author Share Posted March 13, 2010 This was actually written for the Writing Contest, but I'm actually curious for some feedback, so I thought I'd show it off here. Music has always been a big part of my life, so I've always had an interest for composition, and even writing lyrics. I've never written much before though, so this was a good chance to develop upon my rusty skills. However, it challenged my vocabulary, and consumed a few hours of time. It hasn't been revised much, but I'm definitely looking for criticism._Fathom of Inhumanity_We bear the heredity of our enemyWe share the same bloodWeathered and worn are weBut we keep our armaments close,And our allies by our side.A reflection of ennobled humanity,The predecessor will prevailWhat derives from us will not replace us.For they withhold no availDecimated by a barrage of insufferable attacksWe fight back this seemingly impenetrable biological legionThey march upon us with pseudo valorThe tidings of a war unnaturalBrings destruction of a mortals lifeTo bear the mark of science reviledArmageddon's drawing nearerWe'll confront them with their ownHarboring their manifestations of technologyOur humanity we disownA renaissance of mad technologyThrough desperation we employ the evil we segregateTo our deity of flesh and scienceEmpower me, flow through my veinsAnd carry me through this warThe eyes of the beholder witness tantamountDead ringer are we to the enemyWith sacrifice we lose what we are fighting forThere is no victory in this war. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capeless Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 Nice, did you write this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Crusade Posted March 14, 2010 Author Share Posted March 14, 2010 @BubbleTrouble:> Nice, did you write this?…Are you fucking serious? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kusy Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 @Kreator:> @BubbleTrouble:> > > Nice, did you write this?> > …> > Are you fucking serious?you guys made my day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godlord Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 @Kusy:> @Kreator:> > > @BubbleTrouble:> > > > > Nice, did you write this?> > > > …> > > > Are you fucking serious?> > you guys made my day.Idem, I laughed so hard at this.@BubbleTrouble:> Nice, did you write this?The answer was _obviously_ yes.@Kreator:> Long post is long.Could you perhaps sing this in and upload the audio file? Not sure if you want to, but I'd like to hear it. The lyrics seem to be pretty good though.Regards, Godlord. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Crusade Posted March 14, 2010 Author Share Posted March 14, 2010 @Godlord:> Could you perhaps sing this in and upload the audio file? Not sure if you want to, but I'd like to hear it. The lyrics seem to be pretty good though.I can't sing, especially in the state I'm in. (tonsillitis). But, having a preference in metal bands such as Black Dahlia Murder- I kind of had non-contemporary style singing in mind. xD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godlord Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 Ouch, I hope you'll recover soon.Regards, Godlord. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Crusade Posted March 14, 2010 Author Share Posted March 14, 2010 So, any criticism, feedback? I'm really keen for some. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gothikaboy Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 It's good!9/10 rating, I like the story. Maybe it doesn't fit for a song 100%.But if you had a melody I'd make vocals for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 /wrists Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IceCream Tuesday Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 @Robin:> /wristsTHAT made my day. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Crusade Posted March 15, 2010 Author Share Posted March 15, 2010 @gothikaboy:> 9/10 rating, I like the story. Maybe it doesn't fit for a song 100%.Poems can be about anything. =|@Robin:> /wristsWut Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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