Gay Rights Speech, due tomorrow, can anyone help me improve it?

[viciousdead]

Ok, yesterday I was given an assignment to write a speech on something I feel passionate about, I chose Gay Rights. The only requirements to the speech is to make it 5 paragraphs long. I have almost completed the assignment, just need to finish the conclusion.
Anyways, I was wondering if someone could rate it for me, or help me improve it. I'm not the best writter out there…  :sad:

The Speech:

>! "All men are created equal" a quote from the American Constitution. This quote has been used in many great speeches, one being the "I Have a Dream" speech, by Martin Luther King, that was used in the war for African-American Civil Rights. Basically, his arguement stated that the founding fathers left a promise that all men would be guaranteed unalienable "Rights" of "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. I believe that this right belongs to the gay community as well!
>! I am a supporter of gay rights for many reasons, three of my main reasons are that homosexuals are human too, their sexual orientation is based on Biology not something they can control, and that they too are Americans, so they are guaranteed unalienable "Rights" of "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.
>! Like you and I are human, so are homosexuals, the only difference is the way their treated! Homosexuals don't have the same rights as we do, they're health care is more expensive, they can't get married in most places, adopt kids, and many other things.
>! Most studies through Biology show that peoples genetics, hormones, brain structure, and environmental influences, all effect a persons sexual orientation. This means that not all LGBT people choose to be the way they are, so it's not always their fault, and they should never feel bad about that, that's just how their made.
>! The American Constitution states that all men are created equal, but are they? Everyday thousands of  teens will think about suicide, some will try it, the reason is because of discrimination, just because someone is different, or has different opinions about life. What about "Life, Liberty, and Pursuit of Happiness", who are we to take away their freedom, it's their life.
>! In conclusion, think about you being in their shoes, how would you feel? If everyone around you was taking away your rights, freedoms, or your life, just based on how you live your life. It would be a rough.

[Robin]

> If someone wants to stick something in their arse, let them. /speech

There you go, bro.

[Gwen]

Robin the leader in eloquence!

[viciousdead]

@Robin:

> > If someone wants to stick something in their arse, let them. /speech
>
> There you go, bro.

I lol'd…

Anyways, please be serious.  :lipsrsealed:

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[Robin]

In all seriousness, if you're doing this at school you're going to get teased to fuck. Talk about something cool like marijuana legalisation.

[viciousdead]

@Robin:

> In all seriousness, if you're doing this at school you're going to get teased to fuck. Talk about something cool like marijuana legalisation.

Lol, everyone already knows my topic.  ;)

[Bafoon]

@Robin:

> In all seriousness, if you're doing this at school you're going to get teased to fuck. Talk about something cool like marijuana legalisation.

*legalization

[Robin]

@Rilêy¿!¡:

> *legalization

I'm British, kid.

[Read up on the differences before trying to correct me.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_and_British_English_spelling_differences)

[Gwen]

Someone told me a story about how someone did a report on legalizing pot, and the kid got busted and his parents were called and he had to go to rehab, and everything.

[Robin]

@க்நென்டலின்:

> Someone told me a story about how someone did a report on legalizing pot, and the kid got busted and his parents were called and he had to go to rehab, and everything.


[Particle]

That's it?  Those aren't paragraphs.  Those are two sentences.  I hardly think that that constitutes an essay.
As well don't refer to people as "the gays", it sounds tacky.  Use a proper name like the "Homosexual population" etc etc.
I would definitely read up or look for other essays that will inspire you.
What grade is this for?

[Robin]

@Hyperion:

> That's it?  Those aren't paragraphs.  Those are two sentences.  I hardly think that that constitutes an essay.
> As well don't refer to people as "the gays", it sounds tacky.  Use a proper name like the "Homosexual population" etc etc.
> I would definitely read up or look for other essays that will inspire you.
> What grade is this for?

None of that matters. This is school. You don't need to write well, you just need to keep your image. Writing about the 'homosexual population' is social suicide.

[Particle]

@Robin:

> @Hyperion:
>
> > That's it?  Those aren't paragraphs.  Those are two sentences.  I hardly think that that constitutes an essay.
> > As well don't refer to people as "the gays", it sounds tacky.  Use a proper name like the "Homosexual population" etc etc.
> > I would definitely read up or look for other essays that will inspire you.
> > What grade is this for?
>
> None of that matters. This is school. You don't need to write well, you just need to keep your image. Writing about the 'homosexual population' is social suicide.

I completely and wholeheartedly agree
I'm just saying if you do it at least do it well so you can justify the ass kicking you're going to get.

[Robin]

Haha. I love you, Dan. <3

[viciousdead]

@Hyperion:

> @Robin:
>
> > @Hyperion:
> >
> > > That's it?  Those aren't paragraphs.  Those are two sentences.  I hardly think that that constitutes an essay.
> > > As well don't refer to people as "the gays", it sounds tacky.  Use a proper name like the "Homosexual population" etc etc.
> > > I would definitely read up or look for other essays that will inspire you.
> > > What grade is this for?
> >
> > None of that matters. This is school. You don't need to write well, you just need to keep your image. Writing about the 'homosexual population' is social suicide.
>
> I completely and wholeheartedly agree
> I'm just saying if you do it at least do it well so you can justify the ass kicking you're going to get.

You do know I'm buff? Besides, my school is social suicide, bunch of fatt, no life, rejects. ;D

Warning - while you were typing a new reply has been posted. You may wish to review your post.

@Hyperion:

> That's it?  Those aren't paragraphs.  Those are two sentences.  I hardly think that that constitutes an essay.
> As well don't refer to people as "the gays", it sounds tacky.  Use a proper name like the "Homosexual population" etc etc.
> I would definitely read up or look for other essays that will inspire you.
> What grade is this for?

First off, this was a two day assignment, and I never right much, lol.
Second every teacher at my school is an idiot.
Third, I'll take your advise on the homosexual population thing.
Lastly, this is basically for the teacher to see how we communicate under pressure(infront of the class). Or so I'm told… -_-

[Gwen]

@ShawnyBoy:

> You do know I'm buff?

well duh… just look at your avy.

[Bafoon]

@க்நென்டலின்:

> @ShawnyBoy:
>
> > You do know I'm buff?
>
> well duh… just look at your avy.

mounted missles<3

[Ruins of Hell]

Alright, first find a place, and sit down. Take your paper and put it on your desk. Think long and hard about what message you want to convey, forgetting all other worries. Then take your pen. Without looking, write in your neatest handwriting, your name, and any other things you need to include. If you look, destroy the paper. You have failed to convey your feelings properly if you must look it over.

Now, hold your paper with two hands, take one hand, and pull it away from the other hand, while keeping the other hand still. Crumple up the remains. Your first draft will always be the worst. Repeat step 1 again, paying attention to everything you missed.

I won't mention how stupid the topic is for school.

[viciousdead]

You guys make me lol…  XD

[Dark Crusade]

@ShawnyBoy:

> Most studies through Biology show that peoples genetics, hormones, brain structure, and environmental influences, all effect a persons sexual orientation. This means that not all gay people choose to be, so it's not always their fault, and they should never feel bad about that, that's just how their made.

What. Unless your going to provide accredited evidence don't say shit like this. I see no way that genetics and hormones will make an individual want to be gay. Developed interests and fascinations from environmental influences, family and friends definitely contribute, as well as previous relationship experiences, not only their own but also that of close friends or family are factors.

@Robin:

> In all seriousness, if you're doing this at school you're going to get teased to fuck. Talk about something cool like marijuana legalisation.

I'm guessing he already is an outcast at school. And perhaps a faggot?

[Sage]

‘All men are created equal’ is a quote from the American Constitution. This quote has been used in many great pieces of inspirational literature including in Martin Luther King’s ‘I Have a Dream’ speech. His argument stated that the founding fathers left a promise to the people, that all men, African Americans, religious folk, and all others would be guaranteed the unalienable ‘rights’ to ‘life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.’ I believe that this right belongs to the gay community as well!

I am a supporter of gay rights for many reasons. Three of my main reasons are that gays are humans too, that their sexual orientation is based on Biology and not something they can control, and that they too are Americans, thus guaranteeing them, according to the constitution, the unalienable ‘rights’ to ‘life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.’

Gays are humans, just as you and I. The only difference is the way they are treated! Gays don't have the same rights as we do: their health care is more expensive, they can't get married in most states, they can’t adopt kids. Gays are denied all of this as well as a plethora of other rights, just because of something that they cannot control.

Most studies show that people’s genetics, hormones, brain structure, and environmental influences all affect a person’s sexual orientation. This means that gay people do not choose to be so. It's not their fault and they should never be made to think otherwise.

The American Constitution states that all men are created equal, but are they? Everyday thousands of  teens contemplate suicide. Some even attempt it, hoping to take their own lives. The reason for this is because of discrimination. Just because someone is different or has different opinions about life does not entitle us to hurt them. What about ‘life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness,’ who are we to take away their freedom? It's their life.
In conclusion, try thinking about being in their shoes; how would you feel? If everyone around you was taking away your rights, freedoms, and your way of life, wouldn’t you stay hidden too?

–-

I tried editing without doing too much or taking away your writing style/personality.

[Robin]

@Kreator:

> Developed interests and fascinations from environmental influences, family and friends definitely contribute, as well as previous relationship experiences, not only their own but also that of close friends or family are factors.

Australia has really cut down on their education budget, eh? ;D

[Particle]

@Robin:

> Haha. I love you, Dan. <3

Going in my sig for future proof.

[Thorn]

I did a pretty substantial rewrite. I don't know how much of it you want to use, if any, but feel free to use as much of it as you want.

>! "All men are created equal".
Not just some religious rhetoric, but a direct quote from the American constitution. It has been used in a number of great speaches, including the famous "I Have a Dream" speech by Martin Luther King. His argument stated that the founding fathers left a promise that all men, including African-Americans, would be guaranteed unalienable "Rights" of "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. For these rights to not be extended to the gay community as well is a slap in the face of the basic moral character of America.
>! There are plenty of reasons to support gay rights. When all is said and done, they're people too, just like you or I. They live, they laugh, and the love, and just because we don't neccesarily share the same attraction doesn't make it wrong. While most of us are hardwired to be attracted to the opposite sex, there are people who feel the same level of attraction to others of their own gender. Why should they be outcasts for simply wanting to love the person of their choice? We don't persecute someone for liking someone fat or ugly, so why would we single them out based on gender?
>! America guaruntees certain rights to its citizens. The right of Life, a right for which the gay community has been challenged many times, even as recently as former Arkansas school board member Clint McCance calling on more gays to kill themselves. The right of Liberty, which is something that again many members of the gay community are denied. They do not have the liberty of holding the hand of the person they love in public without fear of persecution, nor do they have the liberty of marriage, something that straight people take for granted. Finally, the right to the Pursuit of Happiness. They have fought for their rights with a bravery that should be praised, not spit upon. People have tried to silence them, and many face their lives being ruined if it got out that they liked someone of their own gender. By the basic terms laid out in the consititution, in the simplest of language, the gay community deserves better treatment than what they have been recieving.
>! The very fact that gays are being prosecuted is embarrasing on a national scale. America is supposed to be the land of the free, where anyone can make it if they work hard. How can we make that claim, though, when we deny our own citizens basic human rights? How can America stand as an ideal, or even as something worth fighting for, when we fight among ourselves over such petty things as they style in which one chooses to love? There is no persecution against the BDSM crowd, and many of the far stranger and more unsettling acts of lust are completely ignored as long as it's between a man and a woman. Is two men who love each other so much more disgusting than the truly depraved acts of male and female sadomasochists? What must we look like to other countries, calling for the death of the former while ignoring the latter?
>! Try for a moment to put yourselves in their shoes. Try to imagine having all your rights, your freedoms, and even your sense of safety taken away from you. This is the world that we are forcing the gay community to live in. This is the world that we can try to change. This is the America that we can try to improve. This is the time for us to bring an end to the persecution of gays.

[viciousdead]

@Thorn:

> I did a pretty substantial rewrite. I don't know how much of it you want to use, if any, but feel free to use as much of it as you want.
>
> >! "All men are created equal".
> Not just some religious rhetoric, but a direct quote from the American constitution. It has been used in a number of great speaches, including the famous "I Have a Dream" speech by Martin Luther King. His argument stated that the founding fathers left a promise that all men, including African-Americans, would be guaranteed unalienable "Rights" of "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. For these rights to not be extended to the gay community as well is a slap in the face of the basic moral character of America.
> >! There are plenty of reasons to support gay rights. When all is said and done, they're people too, just like you or I. They live, they laugh, and the love, and just because we don't neccesarily share the same attraction doesn't make it wrong. While most of us are hardwired to be attracted to the opposite sex, there are people who feel the same level of attraction to others of their own gender. Why should they be outcasts for simply wanting to love the person of their choice? We don't persecute someone for liking someone fat or ugly, so why would we single them out based on gender?
> >! America guaruntees certain rights to its citizens. The right of Life, a right for which the gay community has been challenged many times, even as recently as former Arkansas school board member Clint McCance calling on more gays to kill themselves. The right of Liberty, which is something that again many members of the gay community are denied. They do not have the liberty of holding the hand of the person they love in public without fear of persecution, nor do they have the liberty of marriage, something that straight people take for granted. Finally, the right to the Pursuit of Happiness. They have fought for their rights with a bravery that should be praised, not spit upon. People have tried to silence them, and many face their lives being ruined if it got out that they liked someone of their own gender. By the basic terms laid out in the consititution, in the simplest of language, the gay community deserves better treatment than what they have been recieving.
> >! The very fact that gays are being prosecuted is embarrasing on a national scale. America is supposed to be the land of the free, where anyone can make it if they work hard. How can we make that claim, though, when we deny our own citizens basic human rights? How can America stand as an ideal, or even as something worth fighting for, when we fight among ourselves over such petty things as they style in which one chooses to love? There is no persecution against the BDSM crowd, and many of the far stranger and more unsettling acts of lust are completely ignored as long as it's between a man and a woman. Is two men who love each other so much more disgusting than the truly depraved acts of male and female sadomasochists? What must we look like to other countries, calling for the death of the former while ignoring the latter?
> >! Try for a moment to put yourselves in their shoes. Try to imagine having all your rights, your freedoms, and even your sense of safety taken away from you. This is the world that we are forcing the gay community to live in. This is the world that we can try to change. This is the America that we can try to improve. This is the time for us to bring an end to the persecution of gays.

Dang man… Your pro at writting, I'm an epic fail... T.T