magic8ball Posted October 1, 2008 Author Share Posted October 1, 2008 lol i did spell check my story line. So unless i made the word up it is spelled correct. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billylemmon Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 Uhh- I'm gonna ignore the comments made to other people, even though I plain out don't like you.Have you maybe thought about changing the alchemist to a sorcerer? That way you don't have to be specific about chemicals involving lead (which, let's be honest, was pretty shoddy.)also; see other comments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slaze Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 hmm, weird every thread that has posts from 8 ball are flamed to hell. 8 ball you shouldn't get angry at people for trying to help you, ppl will start to not support much of what you do. but on topic, the story was ok at some parts but was bad at others, read through your story, find whats wrong change it and you will probably have a better story . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anna Comnena Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 I think the story is alright, it adds an interesting origin to the evil creatures corrupting the world. However there are a few holes in the story as Kreator pointed out, that you might want to flesh out.magic8ball, it would be best if you don't reply to every post on you. Even if you disagree with it, for some reason they turn into massive flame wars, and that isn't good for anyone.Anyway, something I thought was interesting about the story, even though it may not have been intentional, is it could be philosophically inclined to be a luddite argument against the search for technology. As much as alchemy can be scoffed at, at the time it was a relatively sophisticated scientific process–they'd use analysis and objective appraisal similar to the modern scientific method. And much like the susperstition around the LHC, sometimes these luddite themed stories can hit a modern nerve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magic8ball Posted October 1, 2008 Author Share Posted October 1, 2008 I would like to point out the major goal during the medevil ages (when this story takes place) was for some alchemists to create gold out of lead which was a relativly cheap substance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Crusade Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 @magic8ball:> I would like to point out the major goal during the medevil ages (when this story takes place) was for some alchemists to create gold out of lead which was a relativly cheap substance.Yes, you don't need to point that out, as its obvious its what your entire story is about. We read it, and we all criticized your story in regards to this 'goal'. I don't know why you are reminding us this… Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magic8ball Posted October 2, 2008 Author Share Posted October 2, 2008 Rely every single person has critisized it. Well i guess i just ignore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 If you don't want people telling you what they think of it, don't bother posting. You're acting like a toddler having a tempertantrum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magic8ball Posted October 2, 2008 Author Share Posted October 2, 2008 sorry i forgot the You. I wasrefering to ignoreing Kreator Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin Posted October 4, 2008 Share Posted October 4, 2008 If you're gonna ignore someone when they say something you created isn't very good, you'll have a lot of trouble figuring out what _is_ good. You need to stop valuing your own opinion so much and take other people's criticism. If you can't learn to do that, don't even bother posting it in the first place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoolDave Posted October 8, 2008 Share Posted October 8, 2008 @magic8ball:> Rely every single person has critisized it. Well i guess i just ignore.Try taking it on board instead.Within the walls of the city of Prokas, lying east of the mainland, an Alchemist, Drame Macryan once tampered with the elements in an attempt to forge power and wealth. It was his belief that by mixing certain chemicals and casting them in fire that he would finally succeed in doing what no other person in the history of the world could do- though hundreds had wasted their lives trying.     Little did he know his creation was far from the bearer of power and riches. His failed concoction had allowed the bearings of the universe to strain and contort. He placed the mixture into the roaring furnace and then went to sleep- believing that it would take time. However, witless Drame's mistake was twofold. Firstly, his furnace remained unlatched.Not a bad thing if he was just burning wood no one expects your wood to come jump out of your furnace and be the worst thing to ever happen to man kind. **Apparently there is no 'second fold' but I'll just leave that for him… Also, I can't be bothered fixing this line. Just try again. It's really really corny and way too deliberate. I thought what I was writing was corny. (It was)Nevermind, I give up.** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magic8ball Posted October 8, 2008 Author Share Posted October 8, 2008 wow one start for being a noob Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Crusade Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 @magic8ball:> wow one start for being a noobUh, meaning? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magic8ball Posted October 9, 2008 Author Share Posted October 9, 2008 meant to say star Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Crusade Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 @magic8ball:> meant to say starAnd who's the noob who gets one star? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billylemmon Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 @Kreator:> And who's the noob who gets one star?Three guesses… Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monowolf00 Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 Dude CoolDave was trying to help you. That's why you never get help, because you always have to call someone a noob, a DuckHead, or a bastard.Anyway, have you been playing Kingdom Hearts? This seems alot like Ansem's Report's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xolani Posted December 28, 2008 Share Posted December 28, 2008 I think a 1/10's a bit harsh. Yes his grammer wan't perfect but we need to look at the essence of his story. I do like the idea of these superbeings that have been created artificially being pitted against living mortals. I think you should give more explanation on why killing the living fuels the departed. If your stuck you can use magic to fill in provided it fits and dosn't go against anything. It may be good to provide a bit more depth in the motives of the departed so that it dosn't end up as a mindless zombie killin game. Perhaps you could make a leader of the departed or perhaps a twisted warlok like character. You will always be carfully evaluated and likly harshly critized if your games based off science, even if you are right people will disagree. Try magic with of course carfull consideration. You don't want to use magic to explain everything away for then the story has no solid grounding.Believe it or not ive been around here for quite awhile, although I don't post much. (I just changed my post name from Xolani to Tolth)What ive seen is that it is much easier to use cold hard reasoning to tear new people to shreds than it is to be the bigger man (or women heh). This means that even if the new guy is rude when you give him help (try to be friendly! It would grow the community so much for people are attracted more to forums if everyone is being cordial in thier posts) as the more knowledgeable and experienced eclipser persist in being polite to him. It will make him look worse than any amount of flaming will do if he continues to be a dick while you are nice to him, but more importantly it's just the right thing to do. So im not pointing fingers but giving all of you (and me for I often need it) a friendly reminder about how to treat people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anna Comnena Posted December 28, 2008 Share Posted December 28, 2008 magic8ball has not been active since October, there was no need to reply to this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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