Do you want to hear my jokes?

[Khachaturian]

Those are pretty funny

[Hippoman789]

hahaha.

NOT!

[Guest]

IKR

Warning - while you were typing a new reply has been posted. You may wish to review your post.
:/

THANKS

This one isn't so great but i kinda like it anyway
A bank manager who was also a high jumper spent most of his time in the vault.

[Hippoman789]

1 dont get it.
2\. wats IKR?

[Guest]

High jumpers. Vault.

Um.
Yeah.

And IKR is I know right

A music store had a small sign which read: Bach in a Minuet.

[vrage]

Top 3 jokes in the world:

The winning joke, which was later found to be based on a 1951 Goon show sketch by Spike Milligan,[2] was submitted by Gurpal Gosall of Manchester:
“ A couple of Mississippi hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?" ”

The second place finisher and early leader was this joke, submitted by Geoff Anandappa of Blackpool:
“ Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars and tell me, what do you see?"

Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars."

Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life."

And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."
”

While this was the top joke in the UK:
“ A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

[Guest]

I like the sherlock holmes one :D

q:  What did the hat say to the hat rack?
a:  You stay here, I'm going on a head.

[Hippoman789]

@V-Rage:

> The second place finisher and early leader was this joke, submitted by Geoff Anandappa of Blackpool:
> “ Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars and tell me, what do you see?"
>
> Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars."
>
> Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?"
>
> Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life."
>
> And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."

that one is the best. hands down. the first one i didnt even find funny.

[Khachaturian]

Yeah there was a topic on this a while ago

[Hippoman789]

actually 2.

[Fruitpunch]

maybe I should end every joke with a fruit fact

Hawaiin Punch is owned by Dr. Pepper

[Guest]

ARE YOU SERIOUS

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall - and a pretty good spring and summer, too.

[Harris6310]

A man walks in to a bar… Ouch!

That one is legendary.

[Guest]

hahaha yeah.

[Khachaturian]

Lena theres no joke after that!!

[Fruitpunch]

@V-Rage:

> Top 3 jokes in the world:
>
> The winning joke, which was later found to be based on a 1951 Goon show sketch by Spork Milligan,[2] was submitted by Gurpal Gosall of Manchester:
> “ A couple of Mississippi hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?" ”
>
> The second place finisher and early leader was this joke, submitted by Geoff Anandappa of Blackpool:
> “ Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars and tell me, what do you see?"
>
> Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars."
>
> Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?"
>
> Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life."
>
> And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."
> ”
>
> While this was the top joke in the UK:
> “ A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

lmao the second one is the best

[Guest]

Lol, oops. I've been totally forgetting

@ Fruitpunch - That the general consensus

I made a really cheesy pun about quesadillas the other day.

[ddunit]

@Admiral:

> lol@the cannibals ones.
>
> Actually, you should end every post you make in Chit Chat, with a joke.
>
> 0racle use to end every post he made, with a prediction.

Woooorst, suggestion, ever.

[Guest]

@DDuИ༐t:

> Woooorst, suggestion, ever.

:/ i like it

[Guest]

agreed with lena

[Khachaturian]

Yeah I liked it too, its cool and fresh
Don't stop Lena

[jna]

There's a kid in school and his teaches asks him his name.
The kid answers: Its Billy Balls.
The teacher says: That's not true go ask someone!
He goes to the end of the school, hops over the spike fence and reaches his house.
He asks his mom and she says: Its Billy Balls.
He goes back, climes the spikey fence and goes to the school.
The teacher says: Whats you name?
He answers: Its Billy Balls.
The teachers says: Not true, ask someone else.
He goes back, climbs the spikey fence and asks his grandfather.
The grandfather answers: Its Billy Balls.
Goes back, climbs the spikey fence and goes to the school and tells the teacher: My name is Billy Balls.
She says: Go ask someone else.
He goes back, climbs the spikey fence and ask his uncle
The uncle answers: Its Billy Balls.
He goes back, climbs the fence and his teacher asks:
So, whats your name?
He answers: Billy
Teacher says: What about Balls?
He answers: I left them in the fence.

Hope you get it, if not its funnier in spanish.

[Hippoman789]

well that one was stupid.

but funny.

stupid how the teacher said THATS NTO TRUE!

[jna]

Well because she thinks its not possible to have a name like that.

[Khachaturian]

Hehe I can imagine it being funnier in spanish