Creative Writing

[Mulkaar]

Hello, I'm currently working on my novel/series again and so I thought I'd share a few pieces of creative writing with you guys, I will eventually be releasing the first few chapters on here after I get it done.

**Important Stuff:**

Kirlain Redwood is the main character, he is a Silverword Templar and may have a sword in his posession called Stormsword.

**WIP: Yet to be tweaked and corrected.**

Kirlain being ambushed by 11 Bounty Hunters:

>! Kirlain stood there defiantly. He was clad from head to toe in silver armour; it was adorned with the marks and symbols of the order, the magical runes omitting a faint ethereal light. Slowly, Kirlain un-clipped the fur cloak from his shoulder, it had been a gift two years ago from his mentor and he had kept it ever since, it was hardly a treasure to the eyes. The dull granite fur was matted and hung in clumps rather than freely, dried dirt and blood and ill use had destroyed the former glory of the cloak, still, the cloak was warm and the hide of the northern wolves was renowned for its weight; light and hard, perfect for winter covers. The wind howled as rain lashed the silver armour, a sharp hiss sounded as Kirlain drew his double handed sword, it was masterfully crafted, a steel blade reinforced with iron. The handle was of ebony and gold. The Stormsword had not been crafted in the forges of a blacksmith’s but in the forges of magic, the hilt was adorned with carvings of animals.
>! “Well you whoresons, how much longer before I take your souls?” The sound of Kirlain’s voice amplified by the masterwork of the armour created an unearthly sound, his voice had a great impact on the eleven men who stood around him. At first they had seemed cocky, almost too confident that they were going to murder Kirlain and receive their reward, in their eyes it was an easy job, but little did they know he was a Silversword Templar. A wolf’s howl to the west broke the silence and brought the men to their senses. They charged with a cry and the battle begun.
>! Kirlain grasped his sword and rushed to meet them, he ducked under a wild slash and sliced upwards Stormsword ripping through flesh and bone expertly, the man fell back the scream not managing to reach his lips and instead leaving his body in a shudder of breath, Kirlain turned and charged head first into the two warriors in front, they fell and Kirlain rolled onto his should and back to his feet. Kirlain remembered his training perfectly and it showed now, a scream of metal on metal as he parried a downwards cut, he flicked his sword to the left disarming the man and then plunged Stormsword into the man’s chest, he turned and sidestepped a man’s lunge, knocking it aside he decapitated the man, his face twisted in agony it fell with a thud.
>! Three men approached carefully now, one to his right, another to his left and one from behind. The man from behind charged with a downwards cut as the man from the left charged with a lunge, Kirlain sidestepped to his right and sliced Stormsword into a man’s shoulder blade, blood and gore sprayed from the wound as the man fell screaming. He then spun on his heel slicing at neck height, one man ducked but the other was not fast enough and collapsed choking on his own blood. As the man rose from his duck Kirlain caught him with a thrust to the chest yelling in pain the man fell. Five men now remained, they charged simultaneously. Kirlain’s movements were fluid and he dispatched two of the warriors in a split second, the third was caught with a wild slash to the chest and he screamed, but luck finally foul played Kirlain as Stormsword became lodged in his chest cavity. Without a moment to lose Kirlain dived headlong into the last two bounty hunters catching them mid step, they arose, Kirlain first to rise. A scream of metal as Kirlain blocked a slash with his left wrist guard and then responded with a right hook, there was a spray of gore and a sickening crack, the man fell and did not rise.
>! Laughter broke the air, the last bounty hunter was standing facing Kirlain five feet away, he was wielding a large battleaxe, hefting it in his hands he knew he had the advantage and so did Kirlain, Stormsword was too far to reach and there was no way out. The man charged, Kirlain ducked his sideward slash, then sidestepped the second slice, the axe was too long for Kirlain to reach the man, as Kirlain rolled under a wild cut the man faked a right which Kirlain did not register and he rolled to the left, the axe sliced downwards, too late Kirlain realised as he dived backwards, the axe sliced down the back of armour opening a deep wound in Kirlain's back. White dots flashed in Kirlain’s eyes as the pain hit him and he fell. Lying on his back he hacked and coughed, blood tasting in his mouth, the man stood over him and raised his axe. “Now I get all the-Argh!” A whistle broke the air as an arrow pierced through the man’s right eye shattering through his skull and slicing the air at the back of the man’s head. A cloaked figure rushed over to Kirlain, he heard a muffled sound as the face of his rescuer stood over him, but he registered no face as his vision became blurred. There was a searing pain and Kirlain passed out.
>! To be continued?

_All my writing is influenced by David Gemmel, his writing is amazing and his combat narratives are electric check out his books for a good read._

If you like or don't like please say why, don't tell me about grammar mistakes in wip pieces. Also if you want to see anything inparticular, a city description, more combat, a magical fight, monsters etc then request away I need the practise! Remember it must fit the genre I will add characters etc just give me a setting.

Sincerely,

George.

[Jeff]

I know you said not to notify you about grammar mistakes, but the second paragraph is a wall of texts, and is not indented or anything.  Because of this, I did not read it.  I probably would have if it was not so… blocky, but it is, so i didnt.

[Robin]

Sort out the formatting. It's very hard to read at the moment. Reading from a computer screen is terribly hard as it is. If possible, always try and indent your paragraphs and use 1.5, or even 2.0, line spacing.

[Microwave]

Well, it's neat. I didn't get quite into it. Few reasons I think:

-Combat was cluttered and rushed, which i'm sure can be improved in some editing. My suggestion would be maybe to slow it down, or maybe even draw it out on paper and step 1,2,3 it so you can calm the chaotic action for the reader. maybe i'm not a writer.

- Not much back story so i can identify with his persona (of course i know that isn't your objective yet)

-The scenery wasn't well portrayed (I did like the weather in the first paragraph but as i read along i came to forget this, maybe more environment portrayed in battle? ie a muddy splash in a puddle, hair soaked, rain in eyes,ect.

  I didn't really know if this was in a grassfield, on a dirt road, in a forest, or is this a dark gritty area or a light a cheerful, i can't put a colour to it.

-Need a little facial, and cosmetic brief. I don't know what i should think of the hero, nor these bounty hunters.

small side note a "double handed sword" sounds tacky, drew his sword in both hands, grasped his great sword with both palms. I dunno kinda iffed me.

More would be nice to read

  Maybe a fight with a feral creature during a travel to some form of civilization or supplies, don't really know what your realm contains, or your hero's mission objective. I can't tell if he is good, bad, cast out, or a hero in a corrupt society..

[Mulkaar]

@Robin:

> Sort out the formatting. It's very hard to read at the moment. Reading from a computer screen is terribly hard as it is. If possible, always try and indent your paragraphs and use 1.5, or even 2.0, line spacing.

@Microwave:

> Well, it's neat. I didn't get quite into it. Few reasons I think:
>
> -Combat was cluttered and rushed, which I'm sure can be improved in some editing. My suggestion would be maybe to slow it down, or maybe even draw it out on paper and step 1,2,3 it so you can calm the chaotic action for the reader. maybe I'm not a writer.
>
> - Not much back story so I can identify with his persona (of course I know that isn't your objective yet)
>
> -The scenery wasn't well portrayed (I did like the weather in the first paragraph but as I read along I came to forget this, maybe more environment portrayed in battle? ie a muddy splash in a puddle, hair soaked, rain in eyes,ect.
>
>   I didn't really know if this was in a grassfield, on a dirt road, in a forest, or is this a dark gritty area or a light a cheerful, I can't put a colour to it.
>
> -Need a little facial, and cosmetic brief. I don't know what I should think of the hero, nor these bounty hunters.
>
> small side note a "double handed sword" sounds tacky, drew his sword in both hands, grasped his great sword with both palms. I dunno kinda iffed me.
>
> More would be nice to read
>
>   Maybe a fight with a feral creature during a travel to some form of civilization or supplies, don't really know what your realm contains, or your hero's mission objective. I can't tell if he is good, bad, cast out, or a hero in a corrupt society..

Possibly the two best pieces of criticism ever, Microwave your advice I understood everything and it all clicks with me so I faceplamed and will be uploading the finished tweaked version today, don't worry about background i.e where Kirlain Originates from as these are extracts.

Thumbs up to you two.