From mind to mouth, pretty much my life story…

[Guest]

I diden't know Eclipse, was a group therapy session…..

[deathtaker26]

> I diden't know Eclipse, was a group therapy session…..

Hole…. E... bum candy... it's daxter

[deathtaker26]

> I diden't know Eclipse, was a group therapy session…..

It's not, but I'm having fun.

[Officer Johnson]

waiting for part 3…

[lexkymbeth]

~~Part 5, Sever hosting years :O Can't wait, it's most important part of the story~~

[deathtaker26]

Unhid the thread, yeah ill add more later, I just have class and work tomorrow and had it earlier today, so I've been busy.

[IFX]

wow. this is p cool. I have a father, but he's never around. (all ways either sleeping or at work). and my parents are split so i can kinda understand the whole not having a father. been around the fighting a lot too. also, i am as well rather egocentric, or self centered. I guess it comes with having a hard childhood. 

now that I think about it i am really narcissistic.

[deathtaker26]

I'm gonna continue writing tomorrow, or tonight if I can't pass out.

[Officer Johnson]

crest should of made this his story for contest lol to late.

[Guest]

Thats right Daxter is alive.

[deathtaker26]

I wrote something else out but never submitted it…. I decided against it.

[OmegaXtc]

No knocks on you Crest but this story has me wanting to hug my 5 yr old.  Probably not a bad idea for people to read it with a little seriousness.  Though I agree I didn't expect to see this on a game development community website  :huh:

[deathtaker26]

When has eclipse ever been considered a normal game design community though.

By the way, people are getting  my intensions mixed up. This isn't because I was feeling down or whatever, I just felt like writing my life story. It probably has some morals or something in it.

[IFX]

> When has eclipse ever been considered a normal game design community though.
>
> By the way, people are getting  my intensions mixed up. This isn't because I was feeling down or whatever, I just felt like writing my life story. It probably has some morals or something in it.

To quote one of the greatest english authors of our time; " you do you boo". I think this is some p cool shit right here.

[deathtaker26]

Expect a new reply within the next 10 to 20 min, writing it now… if I can find where I left off...

[Officer Johnson]

about time…

[deathtaker26]

I remember March pretty vividly. Everything was write until my brother, Jesse showed up… Jesse has never been a trustable person. Growing up he had been in 3 cases of child molestation and basically got away with murder. As a child he was given EVERYTHING and ANYTHING he wanted. My family bought him a mustang at the age of 16 which he messed that car up within 2 years. He was also sent to private school with a high end tuition that my grandparents paid out of pocket for, and he almost failed and graduated from a completely different school. He was accepted into the United States Army, which he pretended to have serious kidney stone passing to get a medical discharge on during basic training. Life was given to my brother, and he bum candy on it.

Sometime in March of 2012, Jesse had moved back into our house after spitting in my mother's face and being kicked out for the first time. He had know where to go, and why my mother accepted him back in is beyond me. He was living in the family living room which was full of food wrappers, dirty clothes, and, well he sat on his arse all day doing nothing (within the week of living there already). Penney wanted to come over every now and then and I kept deny her the opportunity. I was stressed to hell with my older brother. To this day I wasn't  really sure what was going through my head, call it stress, call it a mistake... I had the idea that my older brother was going to try and harm her.

I was at the mall on March 19th, 2012\. Me and some friends were hanging out when I got a call from Penney asking me if I wanted to go to the state fair the following week. Something shocked through me and I told her no. She asked why and I told her I was thinking about making a change in our relationship and I didn't want her to be mad at me. A short few hours flew by and I tried called her to talk to her about it and her best friend's mother answered the phone. The woman told me I was being an arsehole and that Penney didn't want to talk to me. The next morning, I got a phone call and Penney broke up with me with a big "F*** you". That was is, I was devastated. I knew this time I was not going to get her back...

After a few weeks she told me I was mentally unstable, that I was slowly falling apart. She begged me to let her help me and I tried to at first, I really did. But I was so sick of being torn to shreds. Jesse had finally moved back out, but I was still stressed over my father who had tried to show back up in my life, My mother, who, well, we'll go into that later, and losing my best friend and blowup doll, Penney. After time I got a phone call from Penney's step dad. I was told that Penney asked him to tell me that she didn't want to talk to me. He explained to me it was her choice and not his.

I swear a month or two had gone by before a ever got any sort of response from her. All I could think about in my life, was her. Finally she started talking to me, she asked me if I would please start therapy or counseling at the school before I got any worse. I had severe depression and anxiety at this point, and what later developed into Dissociation, which I will go into later. My whole world was clouded. There was no motivation or a will to live. I did as she said in hopes to win her back and I walked into the SAP, Student Assistant Program, at the high school. Where I met a woman named Kelsey.

From here we talked twice a week and I was later recommended for a therapist at the county's mental health clinic to a woman named Lisa. After talking to her for another month or so, I was recommended to the Medical Nurse named, Melody. Melody prescribed me to medication, Zoloft and Abilify, anti-depressents.

After a few weeks of pills I honestly saw no change in my behavior or attitude. I started smoking, I started drinking, I started Pot... Guess you can say I really wasn't myself then, or as I thought, I was more myself than I had ever been, Lonely, Afraid, and Devastated. Those personalities fit me pretty well. Within the month of starting medication I attempted suicide and told Penney that I was going to kill myself later that night. She gave me some stare I can never forget. She was pissed. I remember talking to her on the phone that night and she cried. Of course, as most people would have it, I didn't have the nerve to kill myself. I tried popping pills. I spit them out before I even thought about it. This is where I want to make my first life law, there will be a few more of these as my personality and life develops.

>! The fear to kill yourself isn't a weakness, it's a strength. This is called Will Power. It's your strong will and dedication to keep living and moving forward. You said no, because you want to keep fighting.

-=======================================-

I'm going to pause here and break this into another part, but I'm going to write the next part right now. Reason for this, I want to explain something to people, before they assume the wrong idea….

As most of you will notice I told Penney about the suicidal act before attempting it. This was obviously a cry out for attention, I will admit it. And given my past life, it's plain to see: Attention is all I wanted. So from here on out, anytime I do something stupid and tell her about it, it was a cry for attention, that I will not deny. I would appreciate it if you kept the discussion about this to a minimum as I know it's a normal teen thing to do and it sounds stupid, I realize this and I really don't care to hear for it.

I'm also going to be merging the parts into the original post.

-======================================-

[Officer Johnson]

once again stay strong crest

[deathtaker26]

–-------merged all other posts into OP, continue writing parts as replies,will merge after written--------------

The same old routines repeat for the next 3 years or so, pissed, argue, drama, suicide, so on and so fourth. Well, September of 2013 rolls around. For the first time I hard started cutting my wrists. I wouldn't have admitted it then, but now it was a cry for her attention. Everyone in my life doubts me at this point, doubts that I'm capable of anything, there's nothing that is motivating me now, and it wasn't just Penney, it moved on to my family problems, I stopped talking to my father, I stopped talking to everyone, everyone but Damian anyway, which I will go into after the follow segment, for now, I'm not going to tell you a damn thing about who Damian is or when he stepped into my life, I want everyone to see exactly what I thought and saw as it was happening. Some of the words I might not have exact, but this is the general idea of what went down.... Conversation:

> Damian: You really see yourself as a useless sack of waste don't you, Dylan?
>
> Me: How could you not? I'm worth literally NOTHING to ANYBODY, not even myself.
>
> Damian: Well if life is that ducking hard for you, why can't you end it?
>
>  
>
> Me: Because I'm a coward, nothing more, nothing less. I don't understand this world, and obviously I'm not meant for it. What if my point here is just to make other walk on me and better them selves, then I won't be such a damn disappointment for anyone.
>
> Damian: Alright, you want to prove you don't mean anything to this world, prove it. Here's a blade, if you wanna die, I will watch you do it, and I'll make sure you don't coward out. Prove to me you're ready to leave and that there's not a ducking thing round here for you. Prove to Penney that you're stronger than you say. If you honest to sake think you're not worth bum candy, then this wouldn't mean a bum candy to you or anyone you standby. I'll just sit back and watch you bleed, you know I can't stop you when you're like this.
>
> –-- I just sit and stare at the blade for two minutes. ------
>
>  
>
> Me: Can I just have a minute to myself...
>
> Damian: Fine, I'll give you one minute.

By the time Damian came back, there were razor scratches all up and down my arm. They weren't deep, and they weren't vital, but they were there and they were visible. I had already sent Penney an image of the cuts and I was on my hands and knees. I wasn't crying, I was laughing.

> Damian: New move? You're seriously stooping to this? You HONESTLY think she will take you back over self harm?
>
> Me: That's not the point anymore. She's not EVER going to take me back, don't you get it? I don't want her to feel bad for me and take me back. I want her to blame herself, I want her to regret what she's done. But no, Not just her, EVERYONE. I want every god dammed person in this world to regret the pain I've gone through.
>
> Damian: That's stupid as hell and you know it.

The next day, I got a call to Kelsey's office, from there to the school's resource officer… and from the resource officer, I was put in cuffs and into a cop car... from the cop car, to the mental wing at the hospital just down the road. I was 18 and no one could turn it down. By the Baker Actment law of Florida, I was forced to stay 3 days in a mental hospital for mental rehabilitation.

I called Penney's number and we talked.... and talked... we talked little things, we talked about what I had done, and why it was stupid. We talked about what it was like sleeping in the hospital without anyone, being limited on the people who could visit and talk to me and how long she thought I'd be locked up. We talked about me seeing the psychologist and how he didn't think I'd recover fully (mentally) within the next few years and how he doubled my anti-depressent in take. We talked about how everyone in there treated you like a 3 year old child and talked to you like you had no grasp around reality. We talked about how the other people in there were lost and confused, probably worse than me. We talked about Damian, and finally, I asked her to visit me.

Dylan's Laws of life #2

>! The secret to a better life, is a better attitude. That being said, you should learn to fight your internal conflict and turn negativity into motivation. Negative emotions come on a lot harder and a lot more strong and effective then positive ones. It's obviously easier to fall into a hole than to climb out. So, what happens if you turn stronger, negative emotions, into more powerful motivation.
>! Learn to push yourself forward by propelling. Don't EVER waste your energy sulking, that's just counter productive.

===========================

So, I do want to strike this up, in the next part I won't be going forward, i'm going to be back tracking a bit and talking about my old friend Damian and why he's important to the mental hospital. I want to explain why he said what he said and why he did what he did. So, this actual part of the story won't be continued for another 2 parts.

[deathtaker26]

Part 5

Been a bit but here's part 5\. As we last left off, I had just been checked into the hospital and asked her to visit me. If you haven't read the last part, I suggest you do. Here, we're turning time back a bit to describe Damian and how my "friend" fits into this. In the last part I was given a knife and he basically said, If I have the balls, kill myself.

About a half to a year before being checked in, I had a "friend" that was introduced to my life. This was about the time I started going to therapist. I had been diagnosed with 3… illnesses... I don't know the third one is actually a symptom than an illness. I was diagnosed with General Anxiety, Depression, and Dissociation (as a form of Multipersonallity Disorder). The Dissociation is basically this crazy thing where I would get WAY to stressed out and I'd dose off into my own little world. It's like I'd have these EXTREMELY realistic day dream whenever I needed. The thing about this is, when i was in my own little world, I'd kinda still be aware of my surroundings but I wouldn't be fully in control of myself. It was as if I had another personallity in my head, but I knew he wasn't really, though I made him out to be real myself. This was Damian. Though I knew he wasn't  a real person, I made it out that he was real to myself.

The crazy part of this, is he wasn't just a voice in my head. He was someone I'd become when I was pissed. And when I was pissed, I craved pain and to inflict pain. There were times where Penney and I discussed things about and to him. To her, I was just one bat shizz crazy kid. And I was. I had no grip on what was real and what wasn't. I had these crazy fantasies that everything was working out, but in the real world. It wasn't. I was slowly losing grip on my mental stabillity and it wasn't healthy.

Okay, and now that we understand all that, we can go back to the hospital.... in the next part... I keep getting side tracked >_>