jdf318

sdxcdf some dang x-ray can devour fun (little brother broke his arm and needed to get xray, which inspired me :))

lol, i find it funny on how a tut labeled "how to make your game unique" gi contradicts itself

Unfortunatly, I'm a perfectionist, and can't stand it when the site I pick isn't up to my standards… Also hate fire imps when I equip my dwarves with WOODEN shields...

Fun game, silly elves don't scare me!

Before I tear this thing apart to it's bare bones to show the flaws, one thing needs to be said; chaos is weaker then law and order. In most great stories, chaotic beings cannot work together enough to form armies, but a powerful ruler can force them. For example, look at the book Eragon. The shade durza forced all the urgals to fight together, making them unstopable until durza is killed, and then all the urgals kill eachother, allowing the varden to win.

Of course god hates you if you play age of **Mythology** (I love that game too :cheesy:)

@GodSalad: > yeah, he's kinda right…Anyways, didja get your avatar from a freewebs template jdf318 ? :P Yep. :P ANyway, normally I would ctritice the writing in the form of red text, but since this dosen't seem to be for a game, I'll just post some suggestions. 1\. A storyline is NOT a paragraph. 2\. … ah this is two hard, red text time! In the world of Cuza, there was a mighty king, his name, King Slith, his goal is to enslave the whole word of Cuza. Not only does this sentence sound wierd, but the kings motives are oo unclear to be a realistic charactor. As this was happening a rebellions brewed. Slaves started to refuse to work. The Cuza economy started to fall and King Slith was losing power. As the leader of the Rebellion fell, King Slith gained more power once again, What was the whole point of mentioning the rebellion if they failed before the story and they didn't change anything? Also, who was this leader of the rebellion? Sounds like the silly slaves had never heard of a whip before if they all decided to stop working.. until one day, a hero was born in a distant land, Wait, is the player the hero? What land did he come from? Welcome to [Game Name Here]. Good Luck, and Good Faith. For what? I think your trying to say that the player has to overcome the empire, but the sentence really doesn't tell us this. Anyway, how did this king capture the whole world? Magic? A large army?

Well, that storyline really isn't that good. Would need to be lenghtened, and would need to be of better writing quality for most to consider hiring you.

First off, I would like to say thank you, for not only reading the entire chapter, but actually to critisize it all. And you even used blue (I still prefer red, but I guess it mightbe a bit scary, for your storyline to be covered in red.). I plan on revising this chapter, and fixing these weak points. I shall post it later on, and I might add the next chapter too, either as combined with chapter one (As I have been thinking about for a while) or as chapter two. I agree with most of your criticism (In case you havent noticed, I really have bad grammer and spelling) And I thank you for the grammer fixes. However, one thing I would like to say, is that moon elves are in human, and as such, there logic is supposed to be different from human logic. Because this is an ingame thing, most players would already know what a soul gem is, along with meldew. It would be like, if i was writing a story, and I described what a battery is (if i had mentioned batteries in my story).

@Ninja-Tech: > wait a sec… > this is a storyline? Eh, personally I would call it a 'storyline to be' Just needs a bit of tuning up. :) Or a complete revision… yea, I would scrap it. Not muchg there, and personally, I dislike the plot.

Around the year of 2100 mankind has accomplished to make a black hole on Planet Earth. Wow, how did they accomplish such a task? The entire human race has been destroyed and absorbed, leaving no space of trail except by a few European space marines. Ok, a couple things here. 1\. What exactly is a space marine? 2\. Excuse me if i'm wrong, but wouldnt a black hole devour A LOT more then just the earth? They re-build Planet Earth. Except, it has no core. Ok… more questions! 1\. Where were they at the time of the black hole? 2\. were did they get the supplies to build a new earth, and 3\. What kind of idiot forgets to make a core for a planet? Oh, and you could also explain what no core meant.Well, you do, but its at the end (I think) 18.000 year has been passed and mankind now has a lot of brainless people. Uh… Will you give all human and non-humans a brain by helping them out in a world of ice and snow? More questions. 1\. Why don't they have a brain? 2\. Why do humans AND non humans need a brain. 3\. What are non humans? 4\. how do they stay alive without a brain. and 5\. why is the world ice and snow? It's up to you! Save mankind and re-build a new marvelous world in: World of Polar Online! Yes.. a marvelous world of non human zombies whiuch live on a frozen planet? You would think that after 18,00 years, someone would have built a core.. I just feel bad for the inhabitants. Do they even have an O-zone layer? Breathable air? Gravity!?! Made by Anasky & LilCheatah Friendly editing by Jdf318

Well, I really enjoyed this paragraph (edit: Wow, Whoops, it a chapter. wrote this Waaayy to early). Nothing bad I can really point out about it, cept now I really want to know what happens next! Goof use of descriptive writing, and som pretty good word choice. All around, a good piece of writing. But now a question or two. Are you going to implement this in your (or someone elses) game? Or are you just writing it for fun? Either way, I hope I get the chance to read more of this story.

It has been several years after the hero put an end to the dark lord Lucifer's reign of destruction… Okay, is there a story before tihs? I, as the reader, am left totally confused on whats happening. Things were peaceful, and society was undisturbed… The republic, no threat has been heard of for years... This sentance dosen't make sense. Until… One day... The Empire, led by the Imperial Emperor, had planned an invasion into the Republic... Many lives, lost... Even the best of the Republic soldiers, dead. Until one, The son of King Aries, took a stand and wiped out every last Imperial soldier... How did he kill every single soldier? Did he havean army? A magic Sword? Was he just lucky? Also, if he defeated the empire, whats the point of the story? Now the Republic must fight back against the Empire to end the new threat and keep peace maintained. Wait, I thought they were wiped out? surely if all there soldiers had been killed, defeating them would be no problem? It's your decision. Will you help fight off the enemy or contribute to the chaos? Because if you don't, there may not be a tomorrow… Why wont there be a tomorow? If the empire did win, then he would simply lord over more land. And why is the empire considered chaotic? If you meant for the empire to be evil, show us within the story. In fact, give us more information on this empire itself. Why is it trying to defeat the republic? Where did it come from? Finally, why is my critisism longer then your storyline? I see youve edited your story, let me attack this part now )i hope you know that I am not trying o be mean, but to help you by telling you what i feel is bad about it) People were struck in awe, asking themselves, "Where did he achieve such power?" I am too, but what i want is for you to showthe reader the boy standing, and instanctly emitting a spell, all the onrushing enemies falling, choing, exploding, or whatever the way they died. Even the boy himself had no idea how he did it. He only used one spell, and every soldier from the Empire was defeated. Minutes later, his father, Lord Victor Aries, had told him the story of their ancestors, how their powers were passed down from generation to generation. He must be the chosen one, because the unknown spell he used was only known by the hero 2 centuries ago, when the world was trapped in chaos, and the one hero stood up and defeated the underlord of chaos. Afterward, never to be seen again… Who went missing? The boy knew he had amazing power, I would too if I had just wiped out an army with one spell, and my father just told me.. but to himself, he did not know what other strange mysteries will need to be unfolded for him to discover his true self… Found this sentence a bit wierd. Might be just me though. Again though, you then say that "Now the Republic must fight back against the Empire to end the new threat and keep peace maintained." I thought he had just obliverated the empire? if one spell killed everyone of tehre soldiers, then there really is no threat.

Eh, I have that planned for a couple, but for this one, It would be written like say, Eragon, or lord of the rings. But thanks for the input, and now maybe some on how i can improve this chapter please? :) oh yea, and ive decided this lil novel shall be named _Moonfire_ and that this one will giv access to the moon fire spell :P

@Ninja-Tech: > have them also as a reward for getting through puzzles Yea good idea! Oh, and any feedback on the story itself? im gooing to make this as good as possible, so any constructive critism would really help!

@Ninja-Tech: > sounds cool > its what im doing with my game lol > it gives the players a goal u kno Yea, my goal is to make the mini novels as good as they can, keeping the player engrossed into the story, but im gonna keep the last chapter of each one i make and have it as a drop of my best bosses. :P

Hey all, I plan to have these in game stories, in which the players need to collect chapter by chapter, page by page, so they can gain the full story, plus a little bonus if the completed book is equipped (It would be a shield) So, I want to know what you all think about this beginning any criticism, hopefully constructive, will be appreciated. Now version 2 _Moonfire_ Chapter 1 Raelin Silverstar Gazed in wonder upon his hands. For these were the hands which had destroyed so much, in such a small amount of time. It had been but minutes since he had unleashed one of the druid’s greatest powers, sending down a bolt of moon energy to devastate the orc encampment. He had single handedly wiped all life from the area, leaving nothing but a large blackened crater in the spot that had once held brutish orcs, who had enslaved the defenseless Moon Elves within their grasps. He remembers stories of great druids casting Moonfire, destroying entire cities under their power in the light of a full moon. He also remembers experimenting with the spell himself not a year ago, but never while the moon was full. His old results weren’t nearly as deadly. This brings back painful memories of his childhood. He remembers listening to the stories of old about great heroes, defending the weak. All the times with his friends, gazing at the moon brought a smile to his face. However, things wouldn’t last for him. At the age of nine, he was declared to hold the gift, and was destined to become a druid. Life for him took a turn for the worse, as he soon found out he was to spend the rest of his life studying, and he had to leave his friends. Only ten villagers of his town were marked to be a druid, and of that, only one will become a druid of the moon. Then, the druid of the moon will spend his days practicing the ways of the moon. The rest would become farmers, using there power to grow food. As such, he spent long hours practicing under the watch of the stars, while his friends became craftsmen. Though he yearned to be with his friends, his lust to be a druid of the moon was his top priority. Many long years he had trained, becoming the best he could be. He had learned many spells within that time, and he was ready to test them. For that day had been the festival of the moon. This was when the moon shed its greatest powers, increasing the power of moon elves tenfold. Because of this power, druids to be were to be kept away from the light of the moon, for there safety and others safety. A young druid with that much power could cause pure chaos for all. Even that day, the druids had to test their power during the day. The way the druid of the moon was chosen was simple; they were to be given tasks, which required both power and wisdom to solve. The one who possessed the most of these attributes would be given the title of druid of the moon, and the rest would be rushed off for training about farming. However, though the sky had shown brightly, and the moon just hours away from giving them there blessing, out from the woods a group of savage orcs attacked. The unaware villagers were quickly slaughtered, having little means to defend themselves. Eight of the druids had held ground, but one other and himself had fled, trying to make it into the forest. Raelin then remembers the screaming of the eight druids, the orcs battle cries, the body they had tripped on, and a whack on the back of the head, sending him into sub consciousness. He remembers waking up, bound to a tree, along with about ten other elves. Looking around, he saw that the orcs that had captured him had cleared a small area of trees, and set up a crude encampment. He then saw the orcs, devouring some of the slain moon elves. This desecration sickened the Raelin, and, almost screaming with rage, he had called aid from the forest. There, from the shadows of the forest, his call was heard, and a group of enraged, feral wolves erupted from the forest. Then, with an enraged look in there eye, the wolves began to tear at the confused brutes, giving him enough time to run back into the forest, to a nearby hill. There, reacting only on instinct, he had cast a Moonfire spell. A great beam of light headed towards the camp, which stretched up straight to the full moon. Suddenly, the beam connected with the ground, and a white blast erupted from the spot. Pieces of rock, trees, and what Raelin suspected as orc limbs went flying in all directions. Upon further investigation of the spot, the elf found that all life had been destroyed, and all of the Elves, though their bodies remain intact, their souls had already left this world. Among the wreckage, he found but one item; a small, weak soul gem, which had been in scripted with the word ‘animal’ on it. He knew it must have belonged to the other druid they had captured, and as such he clenched it in his arms, and said an vow in the Elfish language, Tu ne sadi lon contra de ador, in which he swore revenge for the fallen elves. His heart filled heavily for the fellow Elves he had slain with the spell, but deep inside, he knew it was necessary. But he could never let an Orc walk freely, after such damage they have done to his life. Orcs are little more then beasts, and as he though this, his mind brought up a picture of an orc. He could clearly remember the horrid stench it had about it, the rows of jagged, sharp teeth within the monsters mouth, which he had last seen it in an evil grin, eating a leg of his brethren. “I mean” Raelin said, attempting to convince himself that his actions were just. “Orcs deserve to die, even if it means sacrificing an Elf.” Suddenly, it hit him. Orcs are in Sonrye! From his knowledge, it was almost unheard of to have orcs even close to the forest. The forest is protected by the wood elves to the east, in which they had cast many magical barriers around the forest. As long as they held any sort of respect for the forest, they would never willingly let orcs into the forest. In fact, Orcs haven’t been seen in the forest for many years. He shakily sat down to comprehend what this meant, and meditated. In a few hours, his choice of path was clear. He knew he had to be the one to tell the grand council. His mind showed images of him reporting the attack, of the orcs within the forests borders, the rewards they would give him, the fame he would gain. And so the young Elf took one last look at the charred area in which once held orcs, and headed off toward his village to alert any survivors there and to gain the needed provisions for the journey, fore the land was treacherous, and it would take many weeks to arrive at the capital, Sylventis. Edited for title and to increase paragraph indents. Oh, and I KNOW i made more grammer mistakes, any help on them will be appreciated.

In the year 2010 scientists looked into places where they shouldn't have. They spent trillions of dollars on this project called "RedHorn". It was TOP SECERT until it happend. what happened? I found this a bad way to start your story, as laready, the reader would have lost his attention to the story. Project RedHorn was a project that scientists have been very happy about. With all the money they made a machine to look into diffrent dimensions. They only wanted to create a window so they could see in it they didn't expect for this to happen.Again, you leave the reader confused. By this sentence, your saying that they didn't expect for the machine to be able to look into dfferent dimmensions. Somehow the window broke and all the creatures from the diffrent dimension came into our world. They were ficous and had no merci. Almost all of the human race was destroyed exec pt a few.Personally, I would have described how they attacked, what some of them looked like, how the human race fought back, ect. to give the reader a clear picture in there mind. These people were elite marines and wizards. Well these wizards were scientists in project RedHorn and learned a lot of knowledge some of it being magic. Wait, I thought that the window had broke. How did they learn magic? This was my reation when I first read that. try to clear up what happened early on, and describe the scene of the scientists excitement, the recording, gazing, wonder, ect. These few people live in a caged off area in the new world. You start of as a person with nothing on expect boxer. Uh… ok, so the world is in desperate need of clothing and other essentials? No? Then give them some clothes. You can earn yourself energy armour, shotguns and even learn a few spells. Can you return the world back in order can you? Sentance needs to be fixed. Only you can decide… Otherwise, I liked this story. Just fix it up a bit, and check on spelling and grammer, and I think this has good potential.

Also, everything in the top right corner looks really bad how you overlapped everything. Plus, the four stumps around the fire don't look that good. what are the chances four trees would grow in a perfect square?

7/10

I have only noticed something like this when people quote something from the thread and I go back to search for it and can't find anything of it. And the person who supposedly said it never posted on that thread.

@Kreator: > The easiest and best gaming controls is the standard PC shooter controls- > > Mouse - Look > Mouse Buttons - Shoot + Aim/Secondary fire > WASD - Move > Ctrl - Crouch (I always preferred ctrl over c) > Shift - Run > Space - Jump > F - Use > R - Reload > > And so forth. :cheesy: /agree remember playing with those controls when i was really little.

Hey can I be in it? I know im not a vet, but i have about 200 posts and ive been here for over a year. I just lurk around more than i post. :) If i can be in it, then this would be my guy: 1\. Jdf318 2\. Eh, he would look like my avatar, only wearing black robes. 3\. Magic 4\. Darkness 5\. A staff 6\. Void Caller

in the client folder, look for the menumusic spot in config. Then, just set this to whatever sonbg you want to play. (Note: Only tested this on EE 2.4, it might be different for 2.7)

Eh i have a winged elf dude called elvianos. I wont be on much though. I just don't get what the big deal about this game is…