[Recruiting] Falling Leaf

[zarz]

**Falling Leaf**

**Fi**rst off I would like to share a little bit about myself and the current team working on this project.

**zarz**

My name is Jeremy, I go by the tag of zarz in most games. I have been interested in game design for nearly all my life, starting with board games when I was a child. I am currently in college in Austin, Texas for a degree in Game Design. I love games, and I love gaming communities. The idea of Falling Leaf was originally going to be put into practice in a 3d MMO named Autumn's Leaves. This though was incredibly difficult as networking a 3d game has a LOT of difficulties (It's expensive). It was ultimantly decided by myself and my team to first create a 2d version in order to allow for a following and proof of concept for loans. My jobs currently on this project are overall game design and macro storylining. I consider myself a strong leader.

-Programming

-Macro Story-line

-Leadership (This game wont fall apart)

-Any job I need to do

**Shard**

Shard is a personal friend of mine who also has a nag for game design, he is quite a bit younger than me and is still in highschool but he is incredibly capable. He will be graduating early and he plans to go into game design. He loves creating games and he is currently not only working on my project but also his own MOBA. I have put him in charge of creating the unique and custom laguage found in our game, and Micro-Storylining. Every NPC in Falling Leaf has his or her own story to tell.

-Micro Story-line

-Anything mathy

-Ancient language

**Brett**

Brett is another personal friend of mine that I met when I worked for SanSoft on their MMO Apoc-online. We were both Community managers and we got along extremely well. At the moment he is in a successful band and does music management. Although he does not work full time on Falling Leaf he is still an important asset and is currently working on the website and forums.

-Web design

Now that you have met the team I would like to take time to talk about the game.

**What is the game about?**

Falling leaf takes place in a distant era, possibly the past, possibly the future. You play as a Human or Undead. There are several classes to choose from including, Berserker, Magi, Rouzh, Cleric, and Bow Sniper. You enter the world to find that things aren't as nice as you had hoped.

> **[background=transparent]You feel a cool breeze rub across your right foot. Slowly the mighty sound of thunder fades in. You can hear the tick, tick, tick, of rain lightly bouncing off of a metal roof. Boom! A mighty flash is followed by the roar of thunder. You slowly move your fingers. You painfully open your eyes, blinking slowly. Your eyes sting from dehydration. Off in the distance, perhaps in another room, you hear muffled conversation. You look around the cool dusty room. Another lightning flash illuminates the cracks in the wood sides of the house. A quiet thunder follows. The room is a bland wood room. There is a bed, covered in a dull red blanket, but you are laying on the ground. Suddenly the muffled conversation in the other room stops. You hear heavy footsteps approach the door. Quickly, whether out of fear or curiosity, you close your eyes and pretend to be asleep, blissfully unaware of your unknown hosts. You hear the heavy wooden door crack open,followed by a cool wave of air. “It’s badly wounded Myndl, we should just put it out of its misery.” A loud deep voice growls. You hear two feet scurry quickly towards the door. “You can’t! Lyrll it came to use for help, we can’t just kill it.” a feminine voice squeaks. There is a moment of silence. The tick tick tick of the rain on the metal roof fades back in. You hear the heavy wooden door slowly close, and the two pairs of feet walking away.[/background]**

The goal of the game is to find out what in the world is going on. With an imersive story line this game will deliver.

For more on the classes ([http://33gamingco.com/FL/?page_id=143](http://33gamingco.com/FL/?page_id=143))

**The ancient symbolic system**

One big aspect of our game is, as I said above, our unique language system. In Falling Leaf we use a unique geometry based language. Certain symbols mean certain things. These shapes all make perfect squares both visually and mathematically.


**About the main protagonist**

In Falling Leaf the main protagonist is not the player but the being known as Lord Zarz. Originally not much is known about Lord Zarz in the story line except that he seems to be this god-like being who controls everything on the planet. Later though we find that he is the emperor of a space empire. Lord Zarz is also not physical being, but a super natural being whose purpose in creation was the protection of dimensions.

> **[background=transparent]After the three-thousandth atomic oscillation zarz decided to take a physical course of defending dimensions. Zarz found a group of twelve Urun men (Humanoid subclass, A13 reg. 120 ref3) of the planet Usolinaon (No longer in existence). These men agreed to follow zarz in the creation of a new empire. With these twelve Urun in tow zarz was able to convince the rest of the small Urun population (About 1,200,000) through logic and signs of power, to agree to quickly excel their technology. (The Urun were an extremely wise and peaceful race, and thus no tribal politics or pride prevented this undertaking) They first agreed upon a power tree. Zarz being given the title, “Eternal Lord” (which he later shortened to simply “Lord”). Next there were six “Smaller Lords” (sometimes translated as “Child Lords”), followed by seven or thirteen captains. After these captains it was decided soldiers trained in advanced ancient magic would be named elites. Intertwined with all of the titles would be a council of twenty-four elders who would question all decisions made, including those made by Lord zarz. The political power structure was set up as thus; Lord zarz has the power to ultimately decide on anything related to any sector of the empire, no one may overrule him. The Smaller Lords are unrelated to the military, they are simply political figureheads. (This was later changed with the envelopment of the political and military sectors.) Captains are all personally chosen and trained by Lord zarz. (By tradition these men are elites) Captains do special personal missions for Lord zarz, but may also take control of any sector during times of war. Elites are specially trained and trusted soldiers. Elites are trained in the use of advanced ancient magic. Military uniform distinctions are as follows; Lord zarz has no uniform by law, but several traditional ones. Child Lords were to wear blue X37 Anti-Energy weapon and Blunt weapon armor, with a small white side cape. Captains have a golden side cape with the sun death emblem (Later developed to be Anti-Phonex propaganda and then changed again after the war was won.) Elites were to wear crimson red side capes. All other members of the empire were to wear blue side capes in times that called for rank distinction. In all ranks there are two more sub-ranks: Chosen and High. Having the sub-rank of high is determined by your works. Having the sub-rank of chosen is determined by Lord zarz's recognition. [/background]**

Lord zarz in a council meeting.

> **Lord zarz arose from his seat of dread. The council grew quiet, avoiding eye contact with the mighty being, as was customary. "What you, men of the council, have brought to my attention is most unnecessary." Lord zarz's voice shook the room and echoed throughout the mammoth ship. The look on the council's eyes was that of a young child losing a toy, wanting and sad. "The affairs of the empire of the Ascendry are no concern to our nature." Lord zarz began, "If the Ascendry commit an action which offends our treaty then I will take care of it personally, but they have committed no offence of this magnitude." At this statement the council looked down, almost in unison. Lord zarz's uniform seemed to also shudder at these words as his trench coat swayed back. For what reason would Lord zarz ever volunteer himself to a cause this low? The council was also confused at the reaction of Lord zarz, as gossip-like talk about the Ascendry was quite common at council meetings.**

**So who do I need?**

Before you even think about applying you must fulfill these requirements.

> You must be Mature and able to handle critiques
>
> You must speak fluent English
>
> You must love gaming
>
> You must understand that just because you make something doesn't mean I will use it
>
> You must be willing to do what I ask of you

If you fulfill these criteria then please apply for these positions.

We are currently looking for

-A concept artist

-GUI Artist

-Musician

-Programmer

-Play tester

-Video game trailer producer

-Innovative dungeon designer

-Female voice actor

Thank you,

zarz

[jane]

so what are you going to do?

and what are your skills ? because i think nobody is willing to work for a guy with no skills.

[Mr.LLoyd]

You are making an eclipse game.

[Guest]

Hello , Lumiere Sareo here, so you guys = 0 from what i can see.

You kinda need some retard people to do those jobs and you to command, and they shall obey.

Game's goal sucks, you can easily wake up and see what the fack is going on instead pretending to sleep, you were inspired by bad fantasy or horror movies?

The story is kinda bad bla bla bla you need to find out what's going on.

And the funny thing is that you think somebody will take one or more of those jobs listed.

> [background=rgb(247, 247, 247)]You must understand that just because you make something doesn't mean I will use it [/background][background=rgb(247, 247, 247)]Let me tell you something, i worked here for some guys at their games, they wanted this and that, when was finished , even if took me 10 or 15 mins to finish it, they said nah we need something else.[/background]
>
> [background=rgb(247, 247, 247)]Indeed, and i said to them: What the heck do you expect me to do for FREE?[/background]
>
> I worked 4 years at 2 gaming companies as a digital artist, and hell i never done a good job for free, why?
>
> Because its a waste of time and effort.
>
> Now let's move on on to musicians.
>
> Back in Japan i was part of a j-rock band nothing too fancy we were kids, not a famous one but still i was appreciated.
>
> I can play on the guitar pretty well.
>
> Some people will make music for you (FREE) others will ask you for some fee.
>
> Now about voice acting.
>
> You won't find too many womans,girls here, except me and some others wich aren't active too much and i don't think they will get the job.
>
> What can i say for programmers, if you want a good job you need to have money.
>
> Don't get mad at me, but you need to come with better things, wich will bring nice people to work for you.
>
> First of, if you need almost everything : programmer, artist, musician, voice actor,etc. then what the heck are YOU doing,just barking around to others about how they should do your job?
>
> Think again.

[or3o]

I would try posting a little more description and possibly some screenshots, people aren't gonna work on something that isn't even started yet, they need to see that your willing to put in alotta effort before anyone will consider helping, And just just ignore Lumiere, she has some good points but comes across a bit too harsh.

before trying to find a team i really do suggest having more of a plot and perhaps some screenshots tho, just to get people interested. It takes months of working alone before you have enough of a game to worry about a team. and you might wanna try looking for poeple in the order you need them, voice acting might not be nessessary for a while considering you havent done any coding and such yet.

[zarz]

Thank you for your feedback guys, I added a little bit more detail to try to show that this is more thought our than it appeared.

> Hello , Lumiere Sareo here, so you guys = 0 from what i can see.
>
> You kinda need some retard people to do those jobs and you to command, and they shall obey.
>
> Game's goal sucks, you can easily wake up and see what the fack is going on instead pretending to sleep, you were inspired by bad fantasy or horror movies?
>
> The story is kinda bad bla bla bla you need to find out what's going on.
>
> And the funny thing is that you think somebody will take one or more of those jobs listed.
>
> [/background][background=rgb(247, 247, 247)]Let me tell you something, i worked here for some guys at their games, they wanted this and that, when was finished , even if took me 10 or 15 mins to finish it, they said nah we need something else.[/background]
>
> [background=rgb(247, 247, 247)]Indeed, and i said to them: What the heck do you expect me to do for FREE?[/background]
>
> I worked 4 years at 2 gaming companies as a digital artist, and hell i never done a good job for free, why?
>
> Because its a waste of time and effort.
>
> Now let's move on on to musicians.
>
> Back in Japan i was part of a j-rock band nothing too fancy we were kids, not a famous one but still i was appreciated.
>
> I can play on the guitar pretty well.
>
> Some people will make music for you (FREE) others will ask you for some fee.
>
> Now about voice acting.
>
> You won't find too many womans,girls here, except me and some others wich aren't active too much and i don't think they will get the job.
>
> What can i say for programmers, if you want a good job you need to have money.
>
> Don't get mad at me, but you need to come with better things, wich will bring nice people to work for you.
>
> First of, if you need almost everything : programmer, artist, musician, voice actor,etc. then what the heck are YOU doing,just barking around to others about how they should do your job?
>
> Think again.

I would like to make it clear that I do a little bit of everything that I listed I need. (Except female voice acting) I am looking for people to **help** me with these things.

[or3o]

Nice addition to the first post, it helps make it clear that you have definitly put some thought into it.

[zarz]

> Nice addition to the first post, it helps make it clear that you have definitly put some thought into it.

Thank you. I chose not to add screenshots because at this moment no one our team is good enough at pixel art to create good looking custom tiles and charsets, thus we are using default RMXP tilesets atm. Everyone knows what those look like so no point to screen shots. If you wish me to post a hand drawn version of the map I will.

[Dark Crusade]

> **After the three-thousandth atomic oscillation zarz decided to take a physical course of defending dimensions. Zarz found a group of twelve Urun men (Humanoid subclass, A13 reg. 120 ref3) of the planet Usolinaon (No longer in existence). These twelve Urun tow zarz convince Urun population (About 1,200,000) logic signs power to excel technology Urun tribal politics pride undertaking “Child Lords” followed by seven or thirteen captains council of twenty-four elders political power structure blue X37 Anti-Energy weapon Anti-Phonex propaganda fof bob, mobkev dehpafef mat pag mibikzam, owsaf, vumcasnig jan ivriwkuk azpem kumjar atpas pul tol rumnil dih rer jel rat, jag tuf tomeshom piked, tig zutjob vaz moghel besataw veppis aput dokdic, ezven zuvkejnut ovik hos ijciran baw fendev rutvawen nor tohjej pekpobuv fap ogletkel, rafvurij wecamdiz! jalokhum, irpalut? cag zow dif legdifak? kof suznir veg iwhoj zec far widav wek idum ruszagow azetrir ripgifbes rin. ten atubug, oltuwid vamov ilsiwnom werzukpem geful galuk bahsofeh? tevdok jozpir zurnofud unobrup jod wichalcec sun. gomjevfil. fuk arpekdaj foz sin, uvungog bujalfel, nup vudmuv wonciwjun pofun ohog, estowzuf ulgudam pifsigiw zozganow. jublaz pufazvog jifpufof otnig pez welbenuz rarvik fahadhah dal adkenruv huz odfullim ehjalev! zug husfaf! cun pimoflug fef migceh ugpejneb gus cal gez jobgem wetid cakkujup itogav! nifhiw nobafan! jos! odpeg hok niz! oglekev! bezjojjug okkis rub dal cor! ezukiz! orehar lokkoz disekir posuh bawjov felerbet onuczan, fef. vab ivtuf fil? datdawfur girelom. devvod, wupifus don orif, sup gucjudub futosid zef ruc arrukpac kofvultuk? ligzachet res akjenmul, otvon dan kaj pechajuj fer zevoj bimzed diz eksahus bilgepren talcesgac ikkef dog jitvuswec vuhiciz lijvirev cucfovvej alret bifwoj reg mikwodfot ribrapjun ajninnuh wuzfuj mahed nak osehjek cinfiz davujler piw deputhor utgog adsapmut dof zotmic pobtispis ifdon ugjos piv how naj pap varehgek fokodmif nokgivlew akmip reh kawuj, orheclab ujiv bilic tetsocjiv opzuwef kejahnis kub osbos kisungif nesrah? fippazruc ser. dazhikep, odom bafgar bivgon zad? vimzibhah pedakmed dup! dusap olruz net orcul apahmuw umlelaz ucechuw vov redegij bat bebfimap putkem jihbek igal pun dahit sudtaz wiwjiz boj gofutkal hugej hevac hot zot rebvelog jevan. rup.**

What the tits did I just read.

[skycrafterq]

Dont Mind Lumiere she thinks her Shat Dont Stank.

[Murdoc]

> What the tits did I just read.

I almost died laughing.

On topic: I think you over-complicated the details in an attempt to make the story more interesting. For example:

**[background=transparent]"Zarz being given the title, “Eternal Lord” (which he later shortened to simply “Lord”). Next there were six “Smaller Lords” (sometimes translated as “Child Lords”), followed by seven or thirteen captains."[/background]**

No offence but noone really cares what zarz title was in the past, the alternate names, or how many captains they had. These details are a complete mind-bore to read. You need to think more about what your audience is interested in. Think of W5 (Who, Where, When etc) but dont go into sub-details of sub-details. Historical stories can be interesting, if the reader doesn't have to digest a whole lot of facts that dont't seem to relate, like what kind of underwear Lord Zarz wears etc.

And this: "Lord Zarz is also not physical being, but a super natural being whose purpose in creation was the protection of dimensions."

What dimensions? What kind of supernatural powers of protection does he display? These are the kinds of details people want to know, not what color the Captains' capes are. <.<

[zarz]

> I almost died laughing.
>
> On topic: I think you over-complicated the details in an attempt to make the story more interesting. For example:
>
> **[background=transparent]"Zarz being given the title, “Eternal Lord” (which he later shortened to simply “Lord”). Next there were six “Smaller Lords” (sometimes translated as “Child Lords”), followed by seven or thirteen captains."[/background]**
>
> No offence but noone really cares what zarz title was in the past, the alternate names, or how many captains they had. These details are a complete mind-bore to read. You need to think more about what your audience is interested in. Think of W5 (Who, Where, When etc) but dont go into sub-details of sub-details. Historical stories can be interesting, if the reader doesn't have to digest a whole lot of facts that dont't seem to relate, like what kind of underwear Lord Zarz wears etc.
>
> And this: "Lord Zarz is also not physical being, but a super natural being whose purpose in creation was the protection of dimensions."
>
> What dimensions? What kind of supernatural powers of protection does he display? These are the kinds of details people want to know, not what color the Captains' capes are. <.<

The point of posting this was to show that detailed thought had been put into the characters of this game. The story line itself isn't written anywhere (Although if people persist I may write it out) but instead is told through NPCs and quests. What is quoted above is an exert from _The History of the Empire,_ an in-game history book.

[Guest]

> Dont Mind Lumiere she thinks her Shat Dont Stank.

English please, you butt sniffer.

[Murdoc]

> The point of posting this was to show that detailed thought had been put into the characters of this game. The story line itself isn't written anywhere (Although if people persist I may write it out) but instead is told through NPCs and quests. What is quoted above is an exert from _The History of the Empire,_ an in-game history book.

Even if it's a story within the game and not the main plot, I personally think it needs work to be more engaging.

[Dark Crusade]

I'm with Murdoc. Your story isn't engaging and interesting, it's absurdly difficult and confusing. If you do want to create a diverse game universe and involve players into it, you need to take smaller steps and make it more interesting. Don't feed them the entire 'giant cake' at once, give them slices at different times and places so they can enjoy it, appreciate it, and undetstand it more.

[zarz]

> I'm with Murdoc. Your story isn't engaging and interesting, it's absurdly difficult and confusing. If you do want to create a diverse game universe and involve players into it, you need to take smaller steps and make it more interesting. Don't feed them the entire 'giant cake' at once, give them slices at different times and places so they can enjoy it, appreciate it, and undetstand it more.

I'm not looking for players though. I'm looking for a team. The reason I give details and not a fun little story is because these details are important to the design of the game. It matters to the graphical artist what color the capes are, or what the armor looks like. It matters to the mapper what the setting of the story is. These fine details are what matter to the design team.

[Murdoc]

> I'm not looking for players though. I'm looking for a team. The reason I give details and not a fun little story is because these details are important to the design of the game. It matters to the graphical artist what color the capes are, or what the armor looks like. It matters to the mapper what the setting of the story is. These fine details are what matter to the design team.

And those are the only ones they matter to. While you may not be looking for players right now anyone joining your team should at least want to know what the game is really all about, and if it has the elements of success before making a decision. Good stories/histories or whatever are an appeal to any person worth having, not these ridiculously tedious and nearly incomprehensible spewed facts. You should keep these kind of design element ideas to the team, not use them as game lore. I mean it's your game and you can do whatever you like, but I think it's a horrible idea to create a storyline or whatever you wanna call it based on your production team and yourself (Lord Zarz?). To me these are just boring game design details, that make the team feel special, but no player would ever care about in the long run. When I read this as a potential player I feel like all you care about is the "elite" (admins) of your game. There is nothing that makes me think Id want to be a potential player, or even join the team. I'm giving constructive criticism. Take some advice, and don't use design elements that are part of game creation as a part of your lore. It's extremely boring to anyone not involved directly in development or these metaphorical adages.

[zarz]

> And those are the only ones they matter to. And, while you may not be looking for players right now anyone joining your team should at least want to know what the game is really all about, and if it has the elements of success before making a decision. Good stories/histories or whatever are an appeal to any person worth having, not these ridiculously tedious and nearly incomprehensible spewed facts. You should keep these kind of design element ideas to the team, not use them as game lore. I mean it's your game and you can do whatever you like, but I think it's a horrible idea to create a storyline or whatever you wanna call it based on your production team and yourself (Lord Zarz?). To me these are just boring game design details, that make the team feel special, but no player would ever care about in the long run. When I read this as a potential player I feel like all you care about is the "elite" (admins) of your game. There is nothing that makes me think Id want to be a potential player, or even join the team. I'm giving constructive criticism. Take some advice, and don't use design elements that are part of game creation as a part of your lore. It's extremely boring to anyone not involved directly in development or these metaphorical adages.

I don't understand what you're saying? That stuff was in a history book, it has nothing to do with Admins etc. GM's and Admins get nothing special in-game except a title.

As far as the story line I suppose I can put some stuff together, but you have to understand the story itself can be hundreds of pages. That's the reason it was spread out over NPCs and is not directly readable.

[togekite]

I think they're simply perplexed as to why you think those details even need to be exposed on this kind of topic where your goal is to find people to help you make the game. The Ancient Symbolism concept, for example, is a neat and unique idea that's appropriate to showcase. Yes, I think that's the only think you want to concern yourself with–-don't throw out so much lore. Those are details that should be rewards for people once they play your game. Instead, reveal any unique mechanics that you intend to implement (and be VERY sure to show off some graphics once you get an artist. Players and administrators alike are attracted to a game with some art already done, whether developers like that to be true or not. Good luck!

[Murdoc]

> I don't understand what you're saying? That stuff was in a history book, it has nothing to do with Admins etc. GM's and Admins get nothing special in-game except a title.
>
> As far as the story line I suppose I can put some stuff together, but you have to understand the story itself can be hundreds of pages. That's the reason it was spread out over NPCs and is not directly readable.

Regardless of whether or not these are references to yourself and the administration, it's still unappealing game lore or whatever you're calling it. I was giving you the benefit of the doubt in thinking the colors of captains capes, alternate titles, and reference to Lord Zarz being the emperor (a possible reference to yourself as the lead designer) actually had something to do with in game design elements. It's even more unappealing if there is no relevance. Point of what I'm saying is, the presentation of the game's lore sucks. So you don't think I'm just being a stick let me explain:

**[background=transparent]After the three-thousandth atomic oscillation zarz decided to take a physical course of defending dimensions.[/background]**

"three-thousandth whatchya macallit?" 0.o

**[background=transparent]Zarz found a group of twelve Urun men (Humanoid subclass, A13 reg. 120 ref3) of the planet Usolinaon (No longer in existence). [/background]**

What are all those letters and numbers? They are meaningless to the uninformed reader.

Why is planet "Usolinaon" no longer in existence? How and where did Zarz find these men. I understand you're trying to create some kind of appealing mystery but these details are what will enhance the background stories.

**[background=transparent]Military uniform distinctions are as follows; Lord zarz has no uniform by law, but several traditional ones. Child Lords were to wear blue X37 Anti-Energy weapon and Blunt weapon armor, with a small white side cape. Captains have a golden side cape with the sun death emblem (Later developed to be Anti-Phonex propaganda and then changed again after the war was won.)[/background]**

"X37 Anti-Energy weapon"? wtf? I mean, it's an alright weapon name but what does it mean to someone reading? Nothing. It's a blue weapon with a funny name, and "anti-energy" leaves nothing to the imagination. Instead, you should try to give descriptions of how things look and feel. Example:

Child Lords wield large, glimmering blue guns that appear machine like. These guns, commonly referred to as X37 Anti-Energy rifles, can fire large proton beams sending their victims flying through the air. Because they are usually on the front lines, these Lords wear blunt-protective armor shielding them from the attacks of military projectiles. Noone dares mess with a Child Lord, unless they are feeling brave. etc

Anti-Phoenix propaganda, while it sounds cool also means nothing. You could hint at some kind of conspiracy within the empire or something to make this more appealing. And what is the "war"? Is it a civil , national, or universal war? Who's fighting it? etc

**[background=transparent]Elites were to wear crimson red side capes. All other members of the empire were to wear blue side capes in times that called for rank distinction. In all ranks there are two more sub-ranks: Chosen and High. Having the sub-rank of high is determined by your works. Having the sub-rank of chosen is determined by Lord zarz's recognition.[/background]**

Too much talk about a multiplicity of ranks, and not enough about why they recieved those ranks and what their importance is in the empire etc.

[zarz]

> Regardless of whether or not these are references to yourself and the administration, it's still unappealing game lore or whatever you're calling it. I was giving you the benefit of the doubt in thinking the colors of captains capes, alternate titles, and reference to Lord Zarz being the emperor (a possible reference to yourself as the lead designer) actually had something to do with in game design elements. It's even more unappealing if there is no relevance. Point of what I'm saying is, the presentation of the game's lore sucks. So you don't think I'm just being a stick let me explain:
>
> **[background=transparent]After the three-thousandth atomic oscillation zarz decided to take a physical course of defending dimensions.[/background]**
>
> "three-thousandth whatchya macallit?" 0.o
>
> **[background=transparent]Zarz found a group of twelve Urun men (Humanoid subclass, A13 reg. 120 ref3) of the planet Usolinaon (No longer in existence). [/background]**
>
> What are all those letters and numbers? They are meaningless to the uninformed reader.
>
> Why is planet "Usolinaon" no longer in existence? How and where did Zarz find these men. I understand you're trying to create some kind of appealing mystery but these details are what will enhance the background stories.
>
> **[background=transparent]Military uniform distinctions are as follows; Lord zarz has no uniform by law, but several traditional ones. Child Lords were to wear blue X37 Anti-Energy weapon and Blunt weapon armor, with a small white side cape. Captains have a golden side cape with the sun death emblem (Later developed to be Anti-Phonex propaganda and then changed again after the war was won.)[/background]**
>
> "X37 Anti-Energy weapon"? wtf? I mean, it's an alright weapon name but what does it mean to someone reading? Nothing. It's a blue weapon with a funny name, and "anti-energy" leaves nothing to the imagination. Instead, you should try to give descriptions of how things look and feel. Example:
>
> Child Lords wield large, glimmering blue guns that appear machine like. These guns, commonly referred to as X37 Anti-Energy rifles, can fire large proton beams sending their victims flying through the air. Because they are usually on the front lines, these Lords wear blunt-protective armor shielding them from the attacks of military projectiles. Noone dares mess with a Child Lord, unless they are feeling brave. etc
>
> Anti-Phoenix propaganda, while it sounds cool also means nothing. You could hint at some kind of conspiracy within the empire or something to make this more appealing. And what is the "war"? Is it a civil , national, or universal war? Who's fighting it? etc
>
> **[background=transparent]Elites were to wear crimson red side capes. All other members of the empire were to wear blue side capes in times that called for rank distinction. In all ranks there are two more sub-ranks: Chosen and High. Having the sub-rank of high is determined by your works. Having the sub-rank of chosen is determined by Lord zarz's recognition.[/background]**
>
> Too much talk about a multiplicity of ranks, and not enough about why they recieved those ranks and what their importance is in the empire etc.

Everything you bolded there has pages of lore behind it. Like I said I can't post all the lore here because it is simply to long. I'm trying to give sections and summaries of everything. If you would like further details on anything specifically you may ask and I will reply with the lore.

[blkcrow]

> Everything you bolded there has pages of lore behind it. Like I said I can't post all the lore here because it is simply to long. I'm trying to give sections and summaries of everything. If you would like further details on anything specifically you may ask and I will reply with the lore.

or you can just put it here in spoilers