Marsh Posted August 19, 2005 Author Share Posted August 19, 2005 Tucker tries buttsex; hilarity does not ensueby Tucker MaxI spent the summer between my 2nd and 3rd year of college suckling on theparental teat in South Florida. It was the absolute prime of my "do anythingto get laid" phase. I was recently freed from a 4-year long-distancerelationship that began in high school and I wanted nothing more than tohave sex with as many girls as possible.Most of the things I did that summer are not story-worthy; you can only tellthe same, "I got drunk on Dom and fucked this hottie" story so many timesbefore it gets annoying. That summer I experienced every random sexsituation that a 20 year old can imagine: fucking on the beach, getting headfrom random girls in club bathrooms, sleeping with 3 different girls in aday, getting so drunk I passed out during sex, getting arrested forreceiving fellatio in the pool at the Delano, blah, blah, blah.Jesus. Whatdoes it say about how fucked up my life is that I don't consider thesestories to be extraordinary anymore?Anyway, while most of my stories may not be extraordinary for me, there isone very notable exception.I was seeing one girl, "Jaime," about twice a week. She was a fresh arrivalto South Beach, having moved there 5 months ago from upstate New York as a19 year old with a modeling contract. We met through a mutual friend whobefriended her while they were shooting a TV commercial. Five weeks and lotsof sex later, she thought we were dating. I knew better, but she was way toohot to bother correcting her assumption.The ex-girlfriend of 4-years I previously spoke about was very sexuallyconservative. It was missionary in the dark and then straight to sleep, withmaybe a blowjob on the weekends if she'd had a few glasses of wine withdinner (it was a high school relationship, I didn't know any better). Afterfour years of this, I was ready to experience all the things I'd missed outon (when I wasn't cheating on her, of course).Buttsex, known in the biz as "anal," was one of these unknowns, and Idecided that I wanted to try it. Jaime was the perfect partner: very hot andvery sweet, and more importantly, very naïve and very open to suggestion.She was reluctant at first, not understanding why we just couldn't keephaving normal sex, so I had to employ my persuasive powers:Jaime "But.I've never done it."Tucker "I've never done it either; it can be our thing."Jaime "But.I don't know if I'll like it."Tucker "You won't have to worry about getting pregnant."Jaime "But.I like normal sex."Tucker "Everyone's doing anal. It's the new black."Jaime "But.I don't know.it seems weird."Tucker "It's the preferred method in Europe. Especially with the runwaymodels. Don't you want to do runways in Europe?"After a few weeks of this, she finally consented. Though she agreed to letme put my penis in her small hole, she extracted a promise in return:"OK, we can try anal sex, but I want it to be special and romantic. You haveto take me out to a nice place, like The Forge or Tantra, NOT one of yourparent's restaurants, and it has to be a weekend night, NOT a Monday. Andyou have to keep taking me out on weekends. I'm tired of being your Mondaynight girl."I made reservations for the next Friday at Tantra. Aside from being insanelyexpensive, Tantra is famous for having grass floors. Really; they put in newsod every week. They also advertise their food as "aphrodisiac cuisine."Yes, at that point in my life, I thought these things worked.Thanks to my father's connections, I got us a corner booth in the grassroom. She was quite impressed. I ordered like it was the Last Supper. Noexpense was spared. Two $110 bottles of merlot, veal rack, stone crabs, theTantra Love platter–it was lavish and decadent. I was 21, stupid, andwanted to fuck Jaime in the butt; I wasn't about to let a $400 tab get in myway.By the time we left Tantra, this girl had doe eyes that made Bambi look likea heroin-chic CK model. She could not have been more in love with me. Theentire drive back to my place she was rubbing my crotch, telling me howbadly she wanted to me to fuck her, how hot I made her, etc, etc. We getback to my place and our clothes are off before we even get in the door. Wecollapse on the bed and start fucking. Normal vaginal sex at first, justlike always.Now, what she did not know, and what I have not told you yet, was that I hada surprise waiting for her.[Aside: Before I tell you what the surprise was, let me make this clear: AsI stand right now, 27 as of this writing, I am a bad person. At 21, I waspossibly the worst person in existence. I had no regard for the feelings ofothers, I was narcissistic and self-absorbed to the point of psychoticdelusion, and I saw other people only as a means to my happiness and not ashumans worthy of respect and consideration. I have no excuse for what I did;it was wrong and I regret it. Even though I normally revel in my outlandishbehavior, sometimes even I cross the line, and this is one of thosesituations..but of course, I'm still going to write about it.]This was going to be my first time foraging in the ass forest, and I wantedto have a reminder of my trip, a memento I could carry with me the rest ofmy life.so I decided to film us.I planned this beforehand, but I was afraid she would decline, so instead ofbeing mature and discussing this with Jaime, I just made the executivedecision to get it on camera.without telling her.That alone is pretty bad. But instead of just setting up a hidden camera.Igot my friend to hide in my closet and film it.No really--I know that I will burn in hell. At this point, I'm just hopingthat my life can serve as a warning to others.I left my door unlocked and we arranged it so that around midnight my friendwould go over to my place and wait until my car pulled in, and then run intothe closet and get the camera ready. The top half of the closet door was aFrench shutter, so it was easy to move the slats and give him a decentcamera shot through the closed door.By the time Jaime and I got to the bed, I was so drunk I had forgotten thathe was filming this, and of course she had no idea he was there. After a fewminutes of standard sex, she kinda stopped and said, all serious and in herbest seductive soap opera voice, "I'm ready."I quickly flipped her over and grabbed the brand new bottle of AstroGlide Ihad on my bedside table.A week prior, after Jaime consented to buttsex, I realized that I didn'thave any idea how to do it. How exactly do you fuck a girl in the ass?Luckily, I had the world's best anal sex informational resource at mydisposal: The gay waiter. I consulted several gay waiters who worked at oneof my parents restaurants about the mechanics of buttsex, and each onerecommended AstroGlide as the lubricant of choice. Much to my dismay, Ilearned that spitting on your dick is not enough lube for buttsex. Stupid,lying porn movies.The other important piece of advice I remembered was from Calvin, "Make sureyou use enough, because if this is her first time, she'll be especiallytight, and it might hurt her. Use enough to really loosen her up and go slowuntil she gets used to it. Then it's smooth sailing from there."Well, since some is good, more is better, right? At 21, this seemed logical.I opened the cap, crammed the bottle top into her asshole, and squeezed. Iprobably emptied half of the 4-ounces of AstroGlide into her. I have sincelearned from homosexuals that a 4-ounce bottle usually lasts them about 6months. So yeah--I overdid it.But Tucker Max wasn't done. Oh no, after depositing enough grease in her torun a Formula One racecar, I dumped half of what remained onto my cock andballs, really wanting to lube up because I didn't want her to beuncomfortable.Really--consider my thought process: I was going to fuck her in the butt andfilm it without her consent, yet I was truly concerned about her personalcomfort. Sometimes the contradictions in my personality even amuse me.Predictably, I slid in with ease. She was a little tense at first, but withan Exxon Valdez size load spilled into her poop chute, she quickly loosenedup and got into it. I liked it also; it had a different feel to it. Not asgood as vaginal sex, a little grainy, kinda tight, but still very nice.Before I knew it I was fucking her like the apocalypse was imminent, buryingit to the hilt with impunity. After a few minutes I was ready to come. Myurgency was expressed in my tempo, and I began really jackhammering her. Asthe excitement got the best of me, I pulled out too far and my dick came outof her ass. I kinda scrambled to grab my dick and put it back in so I couldfinish off inside of her, but before I could even get a hold of it and putit back in her ass, I heard a faint "psssst" sound and felt something wetand warm hit my crotch.It was dark in the room (I was not smart or sober enough to leave the lightson for the camera), so after I looked down it took me a few seconds torealize that my dick, balls and groin area were covered in a viscous blackliquid. I stopped moving and stared at my strangely colored crotch for agood 5 seconds, completely confused, until I realized what happened:"Did you.did you just.shit on my dick?"I reached down to touch the liquid feces, still in complete and utterdisbelief that this girl shot explosive diarrhea on my penis, when, withoutwarning, the smell hit me.I have a very sensitive nose, and I have never been more repulsed by a smellin my life. The combination of synthetic AstroGlide and rancid stench of rawfecal matter combined to turn my stomach, which was full of seafood, vealand wine, completely over.I tried to hold it back. I really did everything I could to stop myself, butthere are certain physical reactions that are beyond conscious control.Before I knew what I was doing, it just came out:"BBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH"I vomited all over her ass. Into her crack. Into her asshole. On her asscheeks. On the small of her back. Everywhere.She turned her head, said, "Tucker, what are you doing?," saw me vomiting onher, screamed "Oh my God!," and immediately joined me:"BBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH"Watching her throw up on my bed made me vomit even more. Her vomiting allover my bed, me vomiting on her ass, the next step was almost inevitable.I heard the loud CRASH first, turned to see my friend break through theshutters and rip the closet door off as he, the video camera, and the doortumbled out of the closet and crashed onto the floor next to us:"BBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH"The memory of the 2-second span where all three of us were vomiting at onceis permanently seared into my brain. I have never heard anything like thatsymphony of sickness. It was like something out of the old Pink Panthermovies.I think the crowning moment was when my eyes locked with Jaime's, I saw hermoment of realization and then her quick shift from shock and surprise tocomplete and irreparable anger. Between bouts of hurling she flipped out:"OH MY GOD--BBBLLLLAAAAHHHH--YOU FILMED THIS, YOU ASSHOLE--BBBLLLLAAAAHHHH-- HOW COULD YOU-- BBBLLLLAAAAHHHH--I THOUGHT YOU LOVEDME--BBBLLLLAAAAHHHH--OH MY GOD-- BBBLLLLAAAAHHHH--I LET YOU FUCK ME IN THEASS--BBBLLLLAAAAHHHH."She tried to stand up, slipped on the huge puddle of backflow AstroGlide onthe bed, and fell into both my pile and her pile of vomit, covering her bodyand hair in vomit, shit and anal lubricant. She flailed on the bed for asecond, grabbed the top sheet, wrapped it around her, and started runningout of my place. Still naked and retching, my dick covered in shit and oil,I followed her as far as my front door.The last contact I ever had with her is the image I witnessed of her in adead sprint, ashit, vomit and grease stained sheet stuck to her body, running from myapartment.POST-SCRIPT:The camera we used was one of those old fragile ones that filmed onto a VHStape, and when he crashed out of the closet, the tape recorder and tapebroke. It didn't occur to us at that the tape records the imagesmagnetically, and we could take the actual tape itself and get someone toput it in another holster until after we had thrown it out. I know it seemsstupid now, and believe me I kick myself about it everyday, but you shouldhave seen the apartment afterwards--the tape was not a high priority.AstroGlide, shit and vomit covered EVERYTHING.I had to rent one of those steam cleaners, buy a new mattress, and I STILLlost my deposit. It was impossible to get the smell out. The next month waslike living in a sewer. Every girl I brought back to my place after thatrefused to stay there, and some even refused to sleep with me anywherebecause of how my place smelled.What I never found out, and I still want to know, is how the girl got home.I never heard from her again, and the mutual friend who introduced us calledher but didn't get her calls returned. I never heard anything about her orfrom her again, even though she left her clothes and ID at my place (shewore a tight dress out that night, and didn't bring a purse or any moneywith her).Can you picture that scene? What did she do, hop in taxi? Wave down apassing car? Get on the bus? She lived at least 30 miles away, there is noway she walked home. It perplexes me to this day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now