Unnamed game story

[dayrock]

**Unnamed game!**

>! Earth… Such a beautiful world full of life, never ending growth. Humans... The parisite of earth, selfish beings only wanting what is best for themselvs not caring about the planet, the animals, taking everything for grantied! Despite their selfishnes they have always been able to survive, through any war they prevail until they came. it all started in the year 3025, everything was normal until people started noticing things in the sky. At first everyone was freaked out wondering what they were, until the first one landed. Out of the massive object came a being, human like, but much more perfict looking.
>! They called themselvs the Animaphagist, claimed to come in peace, needed a place to live because their world ran out of resources.
>! At first the leaders of the human race were wary, not sure of what all of this was. Was it truth or was it lie?
>! The Anima were accepted by the humans and agreed to share techonolgy with eachother, although humans had little to actually teach that the Anima didnt already know. 200 Years past and the two races lived in harmony living off eachother.
>! In the year 3250 the first act of rebelion happend, a group of human rebels attacked the Anima for no other reason other than they wanted their world to be just theirs again. The attack had little affect, but startled the Anima causing them to keep to themselves.
>! Over the next 50 years more rebel groups formed continously attacking the "alians", While the anima payed little attention until one of the biggiest and most planed attack almost took out their leader. they quickly went from sharing their medical technoligy to bringing out machines of mass destruction!
>! Animaphagist decided to destroy the humans once and for all! Humans tryed running in all directions some trying to go to the moon but quickly got shot out of the sky by their machines. Others running underground, undetected by the anima.
>! Underground, homless, hungry, the humans were desperate! This obsticale did not cause them to lose hope though! they quickly found a massive cavurn underground and regrouped and started to build, descovering new animals that had gone mileniums undetected, some usefull some deadlyer than ever. A century past and the humans were still alive and rebuilding their structer they quickly gained electricity back and order. Soon they started to learn new things, things that have been lost for thousands of years. The closer to earths core they got the more they felt this power in them! soon they learned they had abilitys, they practiced these ablities until they masterd every single possiblity.
>! NOW:
>! The humans are preparing to attack! over the years they have perfected the use of the "sorce" and were able to steal some of the Anima's technology, most importantly one of the war machines. they studied all of the technology until they were able to recreate everything! The humans had one advantage though, they were able to enhance their war machines with the sorce of the earth!
>! I know this is bad... and there is alot of mistakes and needs to be writen alot better... can you help me out abit? give me some crit

>! Have you ever thought about it? Think about it's endless bounty of treasures scattered through out it, it's exquisite endless beauty, the purity of the planet's glorious evolution in the thriving planet full of life. Of course I mean Earth, what else could I be describing, every other thing pales in comparison to earth's peerless glory.
>! For a millennium the primal planet has survived and evolved in perfect balance and unblemished purity. That was until the virus infected the virgin planet. The virus has a simple name…Humans. Humans are devouring parasites and are an unholy blight upon the earth. Uncaring, selfish, monstrous creatures that consume life without rhyme or reason. Like a virus, humans have endlessly consumed and spread across the world like an infection. Like a virus, the humans were constantly evolving violently and instantly, insuring their survival.
>! In the year 3025, an event happened that caused the humans to question their supreme superiority. An alien race dubbed the "Animaphagist", landed on the planet. The Animaphagists came in peace and required aid as their planet's resources were quickly being depleted. The humans seeing an opportunity to advance their evolution, offered the planet's resources to the alien race, but in return the Animaphaghists must "share" their advanced technology with the nation's of the world.
>! For many years both species lived in perfect harmony, however a dark shadow began to creep over the world. The nation's of earth began to bicker amongst themselves and tried to keep the alien race from sharing their technology with other nations. It's unsure which country struck first, but the Animaphagists were assaulted by several nations of earth, in an effort to hoard all the ancient technology for themselves.
>! Alliances were made and a constant stream of bloody war began engulfing the entire world. Countries began to attack each other and worse the Animaphagists were caught up in the violent struggle for power. The a Animaphagists tried to promote peace, however during a peace conference their leader was assassinated by a sniper of unknown origin using their own technology against them.
>! The Animaphagist council quickly convened and agreed that humans needed to be wiped out. The humans were nothing but devils and savages, unable to understand the beauty and philosophy they hoped to gift upon the lesser race.
>! The warring nations quickly were overran by the Animaphagists, forcing the remaining nations to join together or flee. Millions of people tried to take shuttles to escape the planet to the moon, in hopes they could escape the Animaphagist's wrath. Unfortunately not a single fleeing shuttle left the atmosphere. In response the remaining humans were forced underground, as it appeared the alien race had no means of tracking them in the dark depths of the earth.
>! The humans remained homeless, hungry, and desperate for a year. Whipped and beaten, the battered human race decided to lay down and die, however a savior emerged. The man spoke of a better time and promised to lead the people back to the surface, reclaiming their rightful lands. It was rumored that he was half human, half Animaphagist, however the human races had no choice but to accept his leadership or they would fall into further ruin.
>! The humans began to mine the ores of the earth and use the core of the planet as a forge for their weapons and machines of war. In addition primal animals long since forgotten, were discovered deep in the bowels of the earth. The humans under the leadership of the man, supplied with food, weapons, machines, and weapons of mass destruction, prepared to make their final war on the alien race. The humans will reclaim their superiority and their rightful place as lords of the planet.

>! Have you ever thought about it? Think about its endless bounty of treasures scattered throughout it, it's exquisite endless beauty, the purity of the planet's glorious evolution in the thriving planet full of life. Of course I mean Earth, what else could I be describing, every other thing pales in comparison to earth's peerless glory.
>! For a millennium the primal planet has survived and evolved in perfect balance and unblemished purity. That was until the virus infected the virgin planet. The virus has a simple name…Humans. Humans are devouring parasites and are an unholy blight upon the earth. Uncaring, selfish, monstrous creatures that consume life without rhyme or reason. Like a virus, humans have endlessly consumed and spread across the world like an infection. Like a virus, the humans were constantly evolving violently and instantly, insuring their survival. At first the humans were innocent, unable to even make a dent in the planet they lived on; soon they started rapidly advancing becoming more and more dangerous slowly killing their planet. They believed themselves top of the food chain, nothing could stop them.
>! In the year 3025, an event happened that caused the humans to question their supreme superiority. An alien race dubbed the "Animaphagist", landed on the planet. The Animaphagists came in peace claiming they required aid as their planet's resources were quickly being depleted. The humans seeing an opportunity to advance their evolution, offered the planet's resources to the alien race, but in return the Animaphaghists must "share" their advanced technology with the nations of the world.
>! For many years both species lived in perfect harmony, however a dark shadow began to creep over the world. The nations of earth began to bicker amongst themselves and tried to keep the alien race from sharing their technology with other nations. It's unsure which country struck first, but the Animaphagists were assaulted by several nations of earth, in an effort to hoard all the ancient technology for themselves. Although the humans attacked the Animaphagists with all of their power it wasn’t able to make a dent. Soon the attacks against the Animaphagists became attacks against eachother.
>! Alliances were made and a constant stream of bloody war began engulfing the entire world. Countries began to attack each other and worse the Animaphagists were caught up in the violent struggle for power. The Animaphagists tried to promote peace, however during a peace conference their leader was assassinated by a sniper of unknown origin using their own technology against them.
>! The Animaphagist council quickly convened and agreed that humans needed to be wiped out. The humans were nothing but devils and savages, unable to understand the beauty and philosophy they hoped to gift upon the lesser race. Quickly the Animaphaist changed from a peacefully race to becoming the nightmare of all humans. Advanced medical technology around the world disappeared, diabolical machines of death appeared instead. Machines so big so powerful seemingly unbreakable.
>! The warring nations quickly were overran by the Animaphagists, forcing the remaining nations to join together or flee. Millions of people tried to take shuttles to escape the planet to the moon, in hopes they could escape the Animaphagist's wrath. Unfortunately not a single fleeing shuttle left the atmosphere. In response the remaining humans were forced underground, as it appeared the alien race had no means of tracking them in the dark depths of the earth.
>! The humans remained homeless, hungry, and desperate for a year. Whipped and beaten, the battered human race decided to lie down and die, however a savior emerged. The man spoke of a better time and promised to lead the people back to the surface, reclaiming their rightful lands. It was rumored that he was half human, half Animaphagist, however the human races had no choice but to accept his leadership or they would fall into further ruin.
>! The humans began to mine the ores of the earth and use the core of the planet as a forge for their weapons and machines of war. In addition primal animals long since forgotten, were discovered deep in the bowels of the earth. The humans under the leadership of the man, supplied with food, weapons, machines, and weapons of mass destruction, prepared to make their final war on the alien race. The humans will reclaim their superiority and their rightful place as lords of the planet.
>! (This is where you will begin, beginning your adventure to destroy the Animaphagists.)

Please give me feedback!

[Synergy]

Fix your grammar and spelling for a start.

[dayrock]

Okay, just wana know if the story is goos or bad…

[Kusy]

You already told me what it is. I'm not going to bother reading a piece of text even it's creator considers crap.

[Synergy]

> Okay, just wana know if the story is goos or bad…

No. I think it may give me an cerebral aneurysm trying to read it when it's that poorly written.

[Agoraphobic]

The main thing is to always check the spelling and grammatical coherency of your writing. Your writing doesn't really have paragraphs, it's more like a string of sentences. Paragraphs help organize the event or the subject better than just; sentence, *enter*, sentence, *enter*. Lastly you want to use adjectives and make things descriptive. Remember people have to visualize what you're talking about, just take your time and write a full paragraph, no need to rush anything.

I took what you wrote and fluffed it a bit;

>! Have you ever thought about it? Think about it's endless bounty of treasures scattered through out it, it's exquisite endless beauty, the purity of the planet's glorious evolution in the thriving planet full of life. Of course I mean Earth, what else could I be describing, every other thing pales in comparison to earth's peerless glory.
>! For a millennium the primal planet has survived and evolved in perfect balance and unblemished purity. That was until the virus infected the virgin planet. The virus has a simple name…Humans. Humans are devouring parasites and are an unholy blight upon the earth. Uncaring, selfish, monstrous creatures that consume life without rhyme or reason. Like a virus, humans have endlessly consumed and spread across the world like an infection. Like a virus, the humans were constantly evolving violently and instantly, insuring their survival.
>! In the year 3025, an event happened that caused the humans to question their supreme superiority. An alien race dubbed the "Animaphagist", landed on the planet. The Animaphagists came in peace and required aid as their planet's resources were quickly being depleted. The humans seeing an opportunity to advance their evolution, offered the planet's resources to the alien race, but in return the Animaphaghists must "share" their advanced technology with the nation's of the world.
>! For many years both species lived in perfect harmony, however a dark shadow began to creep over the world. The nation's of earth began to bicker amongst themselves and tried to keep the alien race from sharing their technology with other nations. It's unsure which country struck first, but the Animaphagists were assaulted by several nations of earth, in an effort to hoard all the ancient technology for themselves.
>! Alliances were made and a constant stream of bloody war began engulfing the entire world. Countries began to attack each other and worse the Animaphagists were caught up in the violent struggle for power. The a Animaphagists tried to promote peace, however during a peace conference their leader was assassinated by a sniper of unknown origin using their own technology against them.
>! The Animaphagist council quickly convened and agreed that humans needed to be wiped out. The humans were nothing but devils and savages, unable to understand the beauty and philosophy they hoped to gift upon the lesser race.
>! The warring nations quickly were overran by the Animaphagists, forcing the remaining nations to join together or flee. Millions of people tried to take shuttles to escape the planet to the moon, in hopes they could escape the Animaphagist's wrath. Unfortunately not a single fleeing shuttle left the atmosphere. In response the remaining humans were forced underground, as it appeared the alien race had no means of tracking them in the dark depths of the earth.
>! The humans remained homeless, hungry, and desperate for a year. Whipped and beaten, the battered human race decided to lay down and die, however a savior emerged. The man spoke of a better time and promised to lead the people back to the surface, reclaiming their rightful lands. It was rumored that he was half human, half Animaphagist, however the human races had no choice but to accept his leadership or they would fall into further ruin.
>! The humans began to mine the ores of the earth and use the core of the planet as a forge for their weapons and machines of war. In addition primal animals long since forgotten, were discovered deep in the bowels of the earth. The humans under the leadership of the man, supplied with food, weapons, machines, and weapons of mass destruction, prepared to make their final war on the alien race. The humans will reclaim their superiority and their rightful place as lords of the planet.

Hopefully this helped a bit. 

[dayrock]

Well then… that was a lot more fluffed up haha

[Synergy]

> Well then… that was a lot more fluffed up haha

I don't wish to put Agora down, although I'm sure he'll agree with me, but his "fluffed up" version is actually what you should be starting with, or near enough. You should be starting with a well written and coherent piece, which just needs polishing; you can't polish a turd, after all.

[dayrock]

That wasnt putig him down

.. he just said he fluffed mine up… it is alot better than what i did, im good at making a story up not si great at making it apealing to others

[Kusy]

> That wasnt putig him down
>
> .. he just said he fluffed mine up… it is alot better than what i did, im good at making a story up not si great at making it apealing to others

That's hardly a feat for anyone with a good imagination.

There's no difference between writing and painting here, just because you can imagine a magnificent landscape does not mean you are a painter.

And to be honest, what you have shown us is a rough draft at best, and not even a draft of a **story**. it's a **setting**. A setting you could set a story in. Considering the difference should be the very first thing to do now…

Not to mention, never call a topic like this again, never tell people from the start that you consider your own work bad. If you start off by describing what you just did as shit, you can't expect anything else from others.

[dayrock]

Ya… so that was thesetting so make the story the person you ate playing as correct? The syory will be played throught the game quests ect. Ir do you mean somthing different?

[Wing]

Baby steps. Learn how to communicate properly first.

Putting your grammar aside, I do like the idea you have.

[dayrock]

Is it unique? That kinda what i really want to know… should i keep develping this story or create a new one?

[dayrock]

Updated!

[meyhemm]

The line between reality and fantasy is drawn very finely.