aaaron Posted February 16, 2011 Author Share Posted February 16, 2011 Ok, so I need your opinions on what I should fix on this before I put it as my game storyline.It's the year of 1985\. There isn't much technology out. Castles, Medieval Towns and old buildings are still around here and there. An island of medieval fashion is starting to become more popular. Everyday you hear that the island is growing with people. Some people are saying it's cool as with creatures you have never heard of and others are saying it's a wonderful island with ton's to do such as gaining skills and chopping down trees to gain resources, fishing for food and crafting items to use throughout the island. Other people don't like it at all. Meet new friends and talk with them and you will only see for yourself if you take a trip to Kero Island. Who will know what's there?Constructive Criticism please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keebler Elf Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Personally I dont think it tells you much. Its tells you its not a technologically advanced place. Yet it also says its the year 2005 and refers to medieval buildings as old. You need to either get rid of the date or somehow make it so that the time frame is more concrete. Also describing the island as cool and having tons of wonderfull things to do does not really say much about the overall island. You should actually explain some of these things, even if its just a breif sentence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aaaron Posted February 16, 2011 Author Share Posted February 16, 2011 OK. Updated it with a new date, added some more information. What do you think now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keebler Elf Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Alright so I take it this is like a advertisement style thing trying to get people to come live on this mystical island? If so then I think it could work out. It still seems to be more advertiseing then a storyline. You could go with it if you did a fallout style thing where instead of advertising living in the middle of a mountion your advertising a chance to come live on this island. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aaaron Posted February 16, 2011 Author Share Posted February 16, 2011 Yea, well I was trying to create somewhat of a base. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keebler Elf Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 I suggest if you want a true storyline getting rid of saying things like you can cut wood and level up. Focus on talking about the island and what makes in unique. A storyline should be a "story". You have a description of what the game is like and it could be used as advertisement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aaaron Posted February 16, 2011 Author Share Posted February 16, 2011 Ok, I will work on it.Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chief Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 1985?You need a history lesson.Try for 1685 maybe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VitinhooxD Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 It depends on the country. If its Russia even 1917 > would work , but in 1985 most of the country were already industrialized. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aaaron Posted February 17, 2011 Author Share Posted February 17, 2011 Ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anna Comnena Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 Drop the date altogether, stuff like that is needless details; what matters is the relative time of your setting.It sounds like you are trying to set it up so you have a little medieval themed world the players can interact in, but then have an "outside" world as well. Maybe set it in the future and medieval world is a controlled environment or something. I don't know, but either way you need to flesh out the idea more and research the timeframe and history if anything is based off Earth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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