Dead Island

[Robin]

Yeah, just finished the laboratory stuff in the jungle. Still really enjoying the game even if I have started to ignore pretty much all side quests unless they have good rewards.

[Kusy]

Hahaha, with that 50% chance to get back a weapon after throwing I can exploit sticky bombs.

[Kusy]

Well… I won't be playing this again.

This basically is my "review", so brace yourself for a long read and spoilers.

If you'd say that developers had bad ideas for quests... in the two last chapters they had absolutely no ideas.

You do chores the whole game, you run around and around and around - I finished nearly all side-quests (only thing I didn't do was getting a shovel for someone... how surprising).

While the entire game makes you revisit the same areas over and over again suddenly at the last two chapters you are constantly teleported around the map, reaching the level of absurd where you literally get a fade out effect, change a map, hear one dialogue, fade out again and bam! You're somewhere else.

Prison pissed the hell out of me, you do missions for some dumb latino thug and at the end of one of those missions you're told to screw that and that it's totally unimportant and now you have to do something else. And it gets explained "I would tell you earlier but power went out and my radio died for a while". Who the fuck writes this shit?

After running across three floors of hospital wing (note that every single floor looks exactly the same and there are exactly the same enemies placed in the exact same spots). You end up on a roof, kill a bunch of guards, kill a bunch of zombies and then try to kill the boss… but nobody explains to you that the ducking boss is immortal and you can't kill him, then you realize that and go up the staircase to see a corny, woody, cheesy cutscene where one sidekick character (one that already got herself raped because she wanted to give food to some ducking negro gangsters... gangsters who were broadcasting the following message "do not approach us or we will ducking kill you to death" on the whole street from loudspeakers), a sidekick character that nobody gives a duck because non of the characters in the game are interesting enough to remember... and everyone takes off in a chopper (except for the dead sidekick chick) and here comes the best part.

In one of the missions you have to rescue a negrette from some local zulu village filled with zombies, the whole point of the quest is to bring someone who had no contact with the infected at all or whatever, there's some rambling that they can make a vaccine from her blood, that she is immune to the virus and it can't develop in her but she carry it,  yada yada yada, basically she becomes another sidekick at that point.

They make the vaccine from her blood, in that last cutscene the boss gets bitten, injects himself with it and INSTANTLY turns into a zombie implying that the vaccine was useless and actually worked the other way than it should... now... what should we do considering the vaccine was made from this zulu chick's blood? Considering that we KNOW she's a carrier, that she comes from the tribe of cannibals who started the ducking disease? What I hear? Shoot her in the face and get the heck out? No. We take her with us to the mainland and in the final cutsccene it's even suggested... well... not really suggested, just pointed out that she will infect the whole world because the guy who's piloting the chopper happens to be a terrorist for hire.

When you actually look at the story you start to see how insulting it is. It's like the last hour of game spits in your face laughing at you because you did all that pointless shit the game threw at you to pretend it's long. And so you can't say I'm just randomly rambling:

You start the game, you save a bunch of people from a shack on the beach, you take them to the lifeguard tower, you go to fix the antenna (that's the first chapter mind you) so they can contact some anonymous who says he can get you off the island. The antenna still doesn't work even after you bring the parts so you move on.

You have to find an armored truck, you go to the hotel and run around it (well this is the only really enjoyable and fun "dungeon" in the game) to get to the parking lot where the truck is parked... you drive out of the parking and it shows up the entrance to it was 100 meters away from where you entered the hotel, not blocked, you could have entered it from there... only you couldn't... because. It would make some sense if the developers would put some crashed cars, or barricades that would prevent you from entering the parking ramp... but they didn't, there's just no area transition there, a tunnel ending in darkness with an invisible wall.

Now ignore this absurd and note this down: we just were in the hotel. About five chapters later we go back to the guard tower, the antenna is still not working but suddenly the guard tells you that there's a better working, long range antenna in the hotel. Yes. In the ducking hotel.

This is where the game goes downhill, in the jungle, where you stop even paying attention to what's around you because you have cars and every quest location can be reached with a car so you never get out of it, because while in a car you basically can't get hurt unless you drive off a cliff, hit a Suicider (and this not always kills you), park next to a zombie like if he was a McDrive window or park near a bandits camp and wait till they shoot you to death… otherwise you are immortal because the cars can't be broken... but when it comes to escort missions? Nope, the NPC won't get into the car you're driving... he'll go on foot... even if you follow him around in a damn jeep.

Jungle is, grab a quest, get in the car, drive for three minutes, get off the car, kill someone and find an item, get in the car, drive for three minutes, return to the quest-giver. And then the developers decided the game doesn't need any more driving around and walking so you get magically transported from place to place with fade out effects as I mentioned... too ducking bad that kind of magic couldn't happen earlier in the game where you had to run in the same sewer four times back and forth to finish a quest.

Then in the laboratory whoever wrote that idiotic story decided that he will explain where the virus came from and why the heroes are immune... and it seems he forgot that he was going to do it somewhere between writing more shitty side-quests, so we never get that information. It's dumb... it's just ducking dumb.

Honestly, it's still a mystery to me how comes this game is enjoyable, because all the arguments I listed are valid. It is so and I'm not exaggerating and still - it is somewhat fun. Story is utter shit, it's like a D class horror movie that tries to be deadly serious about itself. It's Duke Nukem Forever all over again, developer decided that putting a pop-cultural reference absolutely everywhere they can (achievements names, quest names, locations, items, characters) is enough so they decided that will be the only humorous thing in it.

I'm looking for a good analogy to sum up Dead Island and I think that this would be it:

Imagine someone made a splendid cake, the size of a whole table, from the best imported ingredients, with delicious filling... and then he used ducking diarrhea shit to decorate it instead of icing.

That's Dead Island. Don't buy it but do pirate it, it's worth playing but not for cash.

[Robin]

These guys know how to party.


[Murdoc]

@Robin:

> These guys know how to party.
>
> 

loolllercoaster

[Kusy]

It's more fun when you're throwing a machete… and it... stays where it hits.