Need constructive criticism on my story :)

[TWIN BLADEZ]

So yeah guys I need your help with the development of my story. This is my first time writing one out and my brain has been hurting just making this stuff up. I only got a final grade of B in English when I left secondary school (collage im guessing for you Americans out there ;) ) and I am struggeling quite a bit.

So here is the basic plans:

>! What I have came up so far for the main story is that there are three races that have been in war from the beginning of time. Fighting for recourse and land the battle has reached it's climax. Your just a worthless peasant to begin with but rises through the ranks to help out your fellow comrades in the war.

Now here is the story I have came up with so far:

>! In a gruel waste land that is known as the beginning of time. Three dark figures emerged from the rubble and dust. As a young women dressed in a olive robe stepped forward, a green life filled plant started to grow from a crust of dirt. As the plant started to grow, a drop of water dropped from a single petal to the ground. At that very second the plant burst. A pink cloud hugging the dust on the ground. And for a while everything was put to piece. But then in a blink of an eye a wave of wildness swallowed the once was waste land. The dark grey landscape started to fill with color, but still the world was gruesome and dark. Awhile afterwards, a shady looking man swept away the pink dust surrounding the land. A buzzing sound could be heard close by. As the man turned around, he saw a bumble bee resting on a leaf of a tree. The shady character then picked up the bee and started to tense a fist with his hand. Then, he stopped. Looking at the ground he looked back up with a content grin on his face. The tensed fist loosened to a flat surface. A ball of yellow mysterious light where the bee once was shined and lightened up the entire land until all the man could see was white. He reopened his eyes and looked back down at the ground. In the damp dirt he saw many insects crawling and adventuring around together then slowly, he looked upwards. The land was full of living animals and the loneliness that the world once felt was lifted but a felling of despair still lurked the lands. The newly born animals then surrounded a mysterious man with blue skin. With the same look of despair the world felt. the man looked up to the dark depressing sky. The blue skinned mans eye brows began to thrown and his eyes starting to shut. At that moment he was unable to open his eyes for a bright warm light shined upon his face. The animals around him then dispersed when a rushy splashing sound was summoned from a small mountain behind him. Breathing in and smelling the warm air. The world for the first time was at piece.
>! As the years past, the pure peacefulness that was once gratified by others slowly started to fade. Three settlements were established right next to each other. Once was one had separated to three. And with that three there were born a trio of tribes. One tribe being famous for their abilities to change the outcome of the future by controlling nature it's self. Another tribe had recognition for their legendary abilities for crafting weapons and armor and for their cruelty to animals by using them for labor. The last tribe was mysterious and didn't really get any attention from the other two. But yet they had been known for their research and there were rumors that there were secret branch tribes working incognito. But yet the tribes couldn't think of a reason for why they would need to do this and the whole idea was forgotten in such a short amount of time.
>! The day a sheer freezing cold winter was laid upon the three tribes villages was the day all the peace in the world disappeared once again. With all the villagers being cooped up in their huts there was an uneasy silents through out the neighboring villages. A tapping noise was coming from an old blue skin man walking with his walking stick. He suddenly stopped. The land turn from white to red. As the man looked up at the sky he was blinded by a scorching bright light that surrounded the entire sky. The snow turned into small flares of ember. whilst ember gradually grew into balls of fire the old man started to grin a sinister smile.  The fiery balls dropped to the ground at an amazing force. hitting all around the blue skin villagers village but yet only just missing it. The other two tribes started to receive heavy damages to their city and at once went straight in for the attack. A shady old man with a massive sword hanging from his shoulder stepped out of a hut followed by two dragons. The man screamed with a loud roar which could be heard even through the massive uproar caused by the fire balls. At that moment the two dragons flew up and separated at an extreme rate and the clitter clatter of armor was heard from through out all the huts. The last village didn't do much at first apart from send out a wave of soldiers to the other two tribes. No where near enough to take out two entire tribes. But then a old women exited a hole carved out of a massive tree trunk. She punch the air and held her arm there for awhile. Her hand then opened and water from every tree and plant around the area flew out and formed a giant ball in the air. That ball slowly opened and made a sheet like shape that covered the entire sky. The balls of fire was no more but the battle raged stronger than ever. Nothing could be done apart from fight.
>! Around 500 years later the land is separated in to three. In all those three sections there are tens to hundreds of settlement widely spread covering the entire sections. The three tribes still remain but there is no piece being shared with in them. the atmosphere is uneasy but filled with laughter and shouts. But behind the shouts of laughter there is a whisper of evil. The three tribes struggling the war rages stronger every minute and is reaching its climax. There is a battle for land because of the constant increase in population and there is a major battle for resource for each land can only obtain certain raw materials.
>! You are a simple villager to begin with but your the one who chooses the path you walk. Do you protect you tribe from attacks? Do you thieve from other villages to help your one survive? Do you help in the front lines of war on the battlegrounds? Or do you chose to work honestly collecting resources to earn major cash? It's up to you to obtain the secrets behind the war and find out what really is going on.

Now if you guys could come up with some CONSTRUCTIVE criticism then I would really appreciate it. Oh yeah and if you read through all that then I got to thank you for your time and as I said before it really helps. Thanks again :)

[Drummerpete]

Your grammar isn't that great; I see many incomplete sentences.

The story is also not very good. Your description are lacking and there is no plot.

It's not so much a story as a poorly written background of some races.

[TWIN BLADEZ]

Well yeah the my grammar is kind of poor i got to admit. As I said before got a B in english :P . Also it's crucial for the game that there is background for the races. Else the rest of the story would not make much seance and hopefully the player would get an idea of what to expect for each races abilities. so yeah, what do you reakon I should do when i rewrite this?

*Edit:* Also I realize that this is more of a prologue than a story. But yeah thanks for help any way.

[Drummerpete]

You don't need a 3 page essay on the background of the game.
Sure, Lore is good to have, but in moderation.

Exposing a player to a shitload of information when they first log in is like you having an entire education thrown at you after 5 minutes of your first class.

Remember the introduction to the first Lord Of The Rings film?

>! The world has changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air. Much that once was is lost. For none now live who remember it. It began with the forging of the great rings. Three were given to the elves, immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings. Seven to the Dwarf Lords, great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls. And nine, nine rings were gifted to the race of men, who above all else desired power. For within these rings was bound the strength and will to govern each race.
>! But they were all of them deceived for another ring was made. In the land of Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom, the dark Lord Sauron forged in secretl a master ring, to control all others and into this ring, he poured his cruelty, his malice, and his will to dominate all life. One ring to rule them all.
>! One by one the free lands of Middle-earth fell to the power of the ring. But there were some who resisted. A last alliance of men and elves marched against the armies of Mordor and on the slopes of Mount Doom, they fought for the freedom of Middle-earth. Victory was near but the power of the ring could not be undone. It was in this moment when all hope had faded that Isildur, son of the King, took up his father's sword… Sauron, the ennemy of the free peoples of Middle-earth was defeated.
>! The ring passed to Isildur, who had this one chance to destroy Evil forever. But the hearts of men are easily corrupted. And the ring of power has a will of its own. It betrayed Isildur to his death. And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History became legend, legend became myth and for two and a half thousand years, the ring passed out of all knowledge until, when chance came, it ensnared a new bearer. The ring came to the creature Gollum who took it deep into the tunnels of the misty mountains and there it consumed him. The ring brought to Gollum unnatural long life. For five hundred years, it poisoned his mind. And in the gloom of Gollum's cave, it waited.
>! Darkness crept back into the forests of the world. Rumour grew of a shadow in the East, whispers of a nameless fear and the ring of power perceived its time had now come. It abandoned Gollum. But something happened then the ring did not intend. It was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable: a Hobbit, Bilbo Baggins of the Shire. For the times will soon come when Hobbits will shape the fortunes of all..."

Yes - This is a lot of information but it's about one main event a long time ago.

Your story spans many years, which is not needed. Make the game tell the story. It would be a lot more rewarding to earn it than to just be told outright.

tl;dr:
It's okay to have Lore, just don't use it all at once.
Write a two paragraph story for the intro, then have pieces of lore scattered through the game.

[TWIN BLADEZ]

ah I see what your saying. It would also help with building up content in the game if I did add in the lore there as well. Well I will probably write out something new tonight and post it tomorrow. Thanks for the help :)