A few jokes i found

[nachoboy]

Vampire bat
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.

He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.

"OK, follow me" he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.

Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.

Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, Yes, Yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

"Good" said the bat, "Because I sure as hell didn't!"


THE COOKIE
bob: My friend opened a fortune cookie, and it said: Go and sow seeds of love, may you prosper in this act.

Joe: I thought fortune cookies gave you your fortune. Not advice. =/

That restaurant fails.

These are some old lame jokes:

Fishes

There's two fishes in a tank. The other said to another "Bloody hell how do you drive this thing?".

Fireman

A fireman rush into a room holding a screwdriver yelling "This is not a drill!!!"

Muffins

There's two muffins in an oven. One says to another "Damn! It's sure hell hot in here!!". The other responded "OMFG a talking muffin!!!!!!"

What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

dam

CROSSWORD PUZZLE
Jim was doing the crossword puzzle on the train to work. As it happened, so was the commuter beside him as well as two nuns sitting behind them. After a while the man leaned over to Jim.

"I see you're doing the puzzle. Did you happen to get thirty-two across?"

"You mean the four-letter word meaning 'intercourse' and ending in a k?"

"Yeah, that's the one"

"Sure," said Jim. "The answer is talk."

Behind him, one of the nuns said, "Excuse me, Sister Mary, but would you pass the eraser?"