New storyline no game name as of yet :)

[marksie1988]

Hi Guys,

i have just wrote this storyline i know that is short and nor is it great but im not a writer so it is hard for me to create a storyline. im hoping to leave it fairly open so that i can then later recruit a writer that is willing to spend some time expanding the storyline for me :)

here is what i have so far:

Character Types:
1. Humans
2. Nataku

Gods:
1. Necris – god of light and guidance
2. Ma’Khaat – god of magic and mystery
3. Eothelara – god of peace

No one knows exactly how the world of Fëaron came to being. Some say that a catastrophic explosion sent the worlds spinning into the great dark one day to inhabit life forms. Others believe that the world was created as a single all powerful entity. Though the exact story of the Fëaron world is unknown and may never be known, one thing that is certain is that a race arose to bring stability and peace to the worlds of Fëaron to create a safe future for the race’s that would follow in their footsteps.

Necris the god of light and guidance started working on the new world that he had created. Shaping it with large mountains and caverns, even creating races that would tend to the mountains and all other creations.  It was all part of Necris’ plan to create order in a world of chaos.

Over time the world of Fëaron was in total peace… or so Necris thought, in the southern regions of Fëaron an evil race was preparing an army to take over the world and bring chaos to the world once more. Necris had to take action over what was going to happen to his newly peaceful world.

So the gods empowered one of their races to help them overcome the power of the Nataku race. Ten thousand years passed and the Nataku and the humans clashed in their first war. The Nataku and the human race lived in Fëaron all vying for survival amongst the savage elements of the waking world.

The Nataku race became increasingly aggressive under the control of Kedrak. They constructed massive arenas where the Nataku honed their warrior skills in trials of combat and death. Over the course of a few months the Nataku eradicated nearly every human living in Fëaron. Only a handful of survivors managed to survive the Nataku awesome powers.
Necris and the gods decided that it was time for peace to reign powerful once more and recruited all humans that could to lead in an epic battle to defeat the Nataku in a second war that would bring peace to Fëaron.

The war raged across the continents of Fëaron but the humans were still slowly losing ground as there cities were destroyed and villagers taken hostage, the time had come to give power to the human race, power so strong that they would be able to overthrow the strength of the Nataku race.

So much blood from the second war had been shed in battle and little progress had been made.

Hopefully the times are starting to change for the better and peace will start to return when you begin your reign!

please let me know what you think constructive only please :)

[edache]

I like it over all, seems to me as a great story for a game, although  it is kinda repetitive the way the Gods keep on giving power (which is by the way somewhat ambiguous) to the humans, just for the humans to keep on loosing.

Also it is weird the fact that first you mention that the way the world was created is unknown, and in the next paragraph you talk about  Necris and that the world was created by him.

The explanation regarding the appearance of the Nataku is also kinda vague, but this could be on purpose, so I won't criticise much on that aspect.

Well I've pointed out what I didn't like, but as I said at the beginning I think its a pretty good story for a game, I'd probably like to play it.

[Sakis]

great storyline and plot u have their…can't wait to actually see the game when u make it...i want to try and be the first to play it when it has all the bugs ran out of them

[marksie1988]

thanks for the comments and yes after reading it i see what you mean about me putting no one knows how it was made then later i put that necris made it hehe i will change this i think :)

the game wont be ready for quite some time as i have only just started getting it together.

i will also changeg the part about giving power to the humans to make it more belivable :)

but im am very glad that you like my storyline thanks for the comments

[jdf318]

Before I tear this thing apart to it's bare bones to show the flaws, one thing needs to be said; chaos is weaker then law and order. In most great stories, chaotic beings cannot work together enough to form armies, but a powerful ruler can force them. For example, look at the book Eragon. The shade durza forced all the urgals to fight together, making them unstopable until durza is killed, and then all the urgals kill eachother, allowing the varden to win.