Story based on my game

[Drummerpete]

I need feedback. Not just about the storyline but about the actual writing technique, etc..

_Introduction_
Zombie fanatics; you all know at least one. The kind of guy who's seen all the films, read the books, knows more than he needs to and even has a “zombie plan”. He has thought out every possible outcome of every likely, and unlikely, scenario. Well, that's me.
Who the hell would have thought I was the kind of guy who would survive.

_Chapter One: Let's get acquainted_
Now-a-days, people don't get so friendly with each other. Not because we're bitter people, but we're scared that our friends would be eaten next. Everyone decided we needed a base, somewhere to live out our lives until this “problem” was solved. A lot of us found our way to what's now known simply as: “The City”. There is so much more to tell but I'll get to that when the time comes.

You're probably wondering more about me and how I ended up here. My name is Derek, I'm 20 and, let's see… Oh yes, my whole family is dead, as are most of my friends. I only lived about an hour away from The City. When people started to change no one knew exactly what was happening. News reports seemed to ignore it. Then the TV started failing. I sheltered in my flat. I had a zombie plan, but I never thought I'd actually use it. I had about a week's supply of food in my house as well as a basic survival kit. I saw people heading in one direction and decided to follow them. They let me tag along but I never really said anything to them. Mostly because I was more concerned about staying alive. That's just how things go now. After an hour and a half and twenty seven zombie encounters, we reached the outskirts of the barriers of The City. A small military unit had set up a quarantine, albeit a terribly fortified one. So now survivors inhabit The City. At least until this nightmare is over and things go back to the way they were before… Or until the zombies wipe us out.

[munro]

Its good, I enjoyed reading it but it seemed to have almost exactly the same intro as Zombieland.

[Drummerpete]

Zombieland; WoW playing, social reject.

This: Well, someone who likes zombie books/movies/games, etc..
Also, I'd like to see anyone come up with an original introduction to a zombie story. >_>

[Robin]

The thing here is that it just reads like a game, not like a story.

"Zombies invade, I find people, I follow them, I come to new area."

Far too much happening in a couple of paragraphs of text and they're all purely actions. I just don't give enough of a shit about the character or his circumstances to sympathise with him, nor am I interested enough in him to continue reading that story.

The character is 2D. There's nothing about him to attract the reader. Reminds me horribly of 'The Day After Tomorrow', actually.

[Drummerpete]

Right, I'll re-write the first paragraph with a better character introduction.