The unoffical Eclipse Joke thread.

[Monkey Boy]

Tell those blonde jokes that made you LOL, or that one liner that cracked you up.
We'll see who has the best.

Joke 1)

So a boy named Adam took his blonde girlfreind to a her first football game for a date. After the game, Adam says to the blonde "How did you like the game?" and the blonde replied "Its OK, but why were they fighting over a quarter? I mean, its only a quarter." Confused, Adam asked "What do you mean?" "Well you know, they toss a quarter, then all the men start yelling, Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!"

Joke 2)

So a man walks into a pawn shop, to buy a scope for his new rifle. He carefully picks out a scope, and looks through the window. The man laughs hysterically, and the shop owner asks "What?" The man replies "I see two naked people rolling around in the grass." "Lemee see!" the shopkeeper says, and looks through the scope. Then he said "Here are two bullets, i'll give you the scope for free if you shoot my wifes head off, and the mans dick off." "I think I can do that with one shot!"

Joke 3)

A four year girl named Anne was helping her mother in the kitchen. She noticed a white hair in contrast to her normal brown ones. "Mommy?" Anne said, "Why are all your hairs white?" and the mother replied "Well, each time you do something wrong, and against gods will, one of my hairs turn white!" The girl took in new piece of information, then asked "Mommy? Why are all of Grandmas hairs white?"

What are your jokes?

[SHADERS]

they have 2 b blond?

why did the blond climb the glass wall?

>! to see whats on the other side

[shadowwulf]

Two blondes walk into a bar.

>! You'd think one of them woulda seen it!

A blonde was driving down the road and noticed another blonde in the middle of a field paddling a canoe.
The blonde driver immediate stops and runs over to the road side and yells

>! It's blondes like you that give blondes like me a bad name, and if i could swim i would come out there and kick your ass!

[Monkey Boy]

Any type of joke guys.

[Draken]

a guy walks out of a bar drunk.

Punches a nun in the face and yells
" Not So Tough now are you BATMAN!

[Ein]

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

[Marsh]

Alright my jokes arent exactly suitable for young audiences or the easily offended. Also i may be a racist.

So there is this 300 pound biker who drives into town and goes into the local bar. He walks in grabs the bartender and says "who is the biggest badest mother ducker around". The bartender points over to this giant indian in the corner. The biker walks over and says "Hey how about a blowjob". The indian stands up beats the crap out of him goes absolutely nuts breaks tables over his head throws and throws him through the window. The bartender goes holy crap man ive seen you get mad but nothing like that. What did that biker say to you anyway? the indian replies "i couldnt hear him to well because of the music but i think he said something about a job"

XD

[IceCream Tuesday]

Renzo Approved Joke

Whats black and blue, and doesn't like sex

The little boy in my trunk.

[Ein]

@Marsh:

> Alright my jokes arent exactly suitable for young audiences or the easily offended. Also i may be a racist.
>
> So there is this 300 pound biker who drives into town and goes into the local bar. He walks in grabs the bartender and says "who is the biggest badest mother ducker around". The bartender points over to this giant indian in the corner. The biker walks over and says "Hey how about a blowjob". The indian stands up beats the crap out of him goes absolutely nuts breaks tables over his head throws and throws him through the window. The bartender goes holy crap man ive seen you get mad but nothing like that. What did that biker say to you anyway? the indian replies "i couldnt here him to well because of the music but i think he said something about a job"
>
> XD

heh thats awesomesauce

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"